This week on Field Notes, we enter the land of: Ultra-Processed Food.

According to certain very serious doctors on the internet, UPFs are now:

“The leading cause of early death on planet earth. Ahead of tobacco.”

Cool.

Not dramatic at all.

So naturally, I’ve decided to test whether cutting them out for a week will:

• Improve my migraines
• Reduce my exhaustion
• Fix my yo-yo weight history
• Or simply make me feral and resentful

Because unfortunately… most of the things listed as “ultra-processed” are the things I actually eat.

🥪 In This Episode We Discuss:

• What actually counts as Ultra-Processed Food (and how inconsistent the definitions are)
• The claim that UPFs are worse than tobacco
• The inflammation / microbiome argument
• The counter-argument from registered dietitians
• Whether the research is observational or causal
• Food anxiety vs legitimate health concern
• My chaotic personal diet
• Growing up on enforced raw spinach
• Cheese-based GCSE breakdowns
• Yo-yo weight cycles and hyper-palatable food
• Ozempic changing the household food dynamic
• Whether non-UPF eating is realistic with children
• Why I eat like a 19-year-old boy with a student loan
• And whether “whole foods” are actually practical in real life

🍽 Personal Context (Aka Why This Is a Problem)

My current diet includes:

• Fistfuls of turkey
• Salt & vinegar crisps
• Tuna pasta
• Mushroom coffee
• Minimal fruit
• Suspiciously little fibre

Meanwhile the internet is telling me my gut lining is dissolving and my liver is weeping.

So this week I attempt to go:

👉 UPF-Free (or as close as I can manage)

And we’ll see whether:

• My energy changes
• My migraines shift
• My mood improves
• Or whether I simply miss crisps

🧠 Bigger Questions

• Are we pathologising modern food?
• Is this another wellness panic?
• Or is the hyper-palatable environment genuinely wrecking us?
• Can a busy parent realistically cook everything from scratch?
• And why does cutting processed food feel so emotionally loaded?

👵 Guru & Granny Returns

This week’s dilemma:

“I’ve narrowed it down to three husband contenders. How do I choose?”

Featuring:

• The Strong Stomach Theory™
• The Chap Olympiad
• Escape room testing
• Vomit resilience
• And a brief detour into secret families

You’re welcome.

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👉 Atomic Habits by James Clear

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Share this episode with someone who:

• Owns at least three types of oat milk
• Is suspicious of emulsifiers
• Or eats crisps in the car and calls it “lunch”

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