Engineer Your Success

Unconscious Avoidance Is Not a Winning Strategy

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How to stop avoiding the meeting you know you need to have and close the gap between what you intend and what you do.

Episode Description

There’s a difference between knowing what you should do and actually doing it — and most leaders have felt that gap. In this episode, Dr. James Bryant shares a real coaching story about a high-performing engineer named Debbie who kept deferring one critical leadership action for two years, not because she lacked talent or drive, but because she didn’t have a system for closing the distance between intention and action.

James walks through the coaching conversation that finally moved her: the reframe that helped her see her own avoidance clearly, the vision she built toward instead of away from fear, and the moment she scheduled the meeting live on their call. What followed surprised her and changed the entire team.

This episode also introduces the Win by Design framework — a practical, structured approach to intentional leadership built around the DESIGN acronym (Decide, Envision, Strategize, Integrate, Grow, Nourish) — and announces the Win by Design newsletter at winbydesign.co.

Key Takeaways

  • The gap between what you intend to do and what you actually do is not a motivation problem — it is a design problem, and it is fixable.
  • Avoidance compounds: every day you don’t act, the weight of inaction grows and quietly starts to function as permission to keep waiting.
  • As engineers, we would never let the cost of a delayed decision justify an indefinite delay on a critical project — but leaders do exactly that in their leadership all the time.
  • You don’t need to eliminate a fear-based mental picture to move. Place a new vision beside it — design toward the outcome you want, not away from the one you fear.
  • There is a meaningful difference between putting something on a to-do list and actually scheduling it. An event on the calendar is real. An intention is not.
  • When a leader shows up consistently, the team opens up — siloed information starts moving, and relationships that appeared adversarial often turn out to be something entirely different.
  • Winning by design means making deliberate choices about your leadership instead of letting circumstances, other people’s reactions, or the accumulated weight of what you haven’t done make those choices for you.

    • Timestamps

    00:00 — The gap between intention and action

    02:00 — Debbie’s story: a regional engineer and a team she’s been avoiding

    03:41 — The real hesitation: the team member she timed her emails around

    06:00 — Building a new vision: designing toward success instead of away from fear

    09:01 — Scheduling the meeting live: from intention to real commitment

    10:05 — The outcome: what actually happened in the room

    12:04 — Win by Design: introducing the DESIGN framework

    15:31 — Win by Design newsletter + Flip the Mic

    About the Host

    Dr. James Bryant is an executive coach, leadership strategist, and host of the Engineer Your Success podcast. His mission is to help professionals win at work and at home by developing the leadership skills and presence that technical training alone does not provide. Connect with James at engineeryoursuccessnow.com.

    Resources Mentioned

    Win by Design newsletter

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    Engineer Your SuccessBy Dr. James Bryant
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