One afternoon last summer I was doom scrolling on TikTok and saw a video that stopped me in my tracks. A woman in a simple white dress and a steel blue hijab pointed up to the words above her head: Islamic versus Western Modesty. She flipped her hijab up off her chest exposing a waist-cinching twist. She said, “we all know the pull these dresses had on hijabis last year” she admits, “I still have a few in my closet. Here’s what I’m doing to make it a little better”. I honestly didn’t even watch the rest of the video too intently because instead, I was scrolling through the dumpster fire of comments:

“And the modesty requirements for men?”

“She’s living and looking how she wants, so what?”

“Modesty is an attitude of dress, speech and behavior. My jeans and t-shirt are modest”

“I don’t understand how having a body makes one immodest”

“Wow your father lets you out like this? Makeup, skinny dress, you call it modest. Astafurgallah”

This video has over 1.7 million views now. What struck me hardest about this video wasn’t that I had never heard that there was such a thing as Islamic modesty or what it entailed. Instead, here was this woman being brutally honest with herself about a mistake she made, and gracefully correcting it, and showing others how to do the same. The creator of that video, @modestlyc, or just “C” as she remains anonymous online, and I became mutuals, and as I’ve watched her create over the last several months, I’ve been privy to something more subtle and special that just her account growth: I’ve watched in real time someone humble themselves over and over and over again, commit to doing better, and show up in a way that is firm but gentle, honest but kind. Beyond influencing the silhouettes I now dress myself in, C has become someone I look up to when it comes to how I express myself and relate to others online. 

Unfortunately, she’s become the target of a tremendous amount of hate for speaking so directly about her goals and expectations for herself. I frequently find myself asking questions about what it means to be modest in the digital age beyond just how we dress, where so much of our interpersonal interactions are anonymous, quick and fickle. And I think C continues to be a guiding light to me in this way, as I hope she will be for you. 

If you enjoy C’s story, please consider taking what I’d normally ask you to commit by becoming a patron on Patreon, and instead giving any amount to the White Helmets, an on-the-ground rescue force in Syria still actively and urgently delivering life saving service to victims of the recent earthquakes. You can give at whitehelmets.org and there is a direct link in the show notes. 

REFERENCES:

Donate to on-the-ground rescue missions in Syria following the recent earthquakes. As they search for survivors and pull the dead from collapsed buildings, they urgently need support. Give what you can to support their life-saving work:

https://www.whitehelmets.org/en/

Follow C on social media:

https://www.instagram.com/modestlyc/

https://www.tiktok.com/@modestlyc

Learn more about Alawites:

https://www.britannica.com/topic/Alawite

Learn about Bassel Al-Assad, the Syrian politician whose death sparked C’s family to leave the country: 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bassel_al-Assad

Learn more about the Syrian Civil War and the events leading up to it:

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/innovation/is-a-lack-of-water-to-blame-for-the-conflict-in-syria-72513729/

https://www.cfr.org/article/syrias-civil-war

Zahraa the Label:

https://www.zahraathelabel.com/

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Closing music is “Little Tongues Chattering” by Ryan Webber, available on Onomatopoeia via the Katuktu Collective. 

Cover art is by Kalakal: 

https://www.kalakal-illustration.com/

https://www.instagram.com/kalakal_klk/