Episode Overview

 

In this unfiltered and dynamic episode of Higher Density Living, host Jason Rigby sits down with Dr. Audrey Schnell, an emotional intelligence expert with over 40 years of experience studying human behavior, self-sabotage, and personal transformation. With an M.A. in Clinical Psychology and a Ph.D. in Epidemiology and Biostatistics, Dr. Schnell brings a unique blend of science-backed insight and practical wisdom to the conversation. She’s spent decades helping clients—from entrepreneurs to everyday individuals—end self-sabotage, master their emotions, and unlock their potential. Together, Jason and Dr. Schnell dive into the messy truths of emotions, boundaries, and productivity, offering actionable strategies to turbocharge emotional intelligence and live a more intentional life.

 

Guest Bio: Dr. Audrey Schnell

• Credentials: M.A. in Clinical Psychology, Ph.D. in Epidemiology and Biostatistics
• Experience: Over 40 years researching why and how people change
• Mission: Enables clients to stop self-sabotage, eliminate emotional triggers, and achieve their goals by identifying blind spots and mastering emotions
• Impact: Helps individuals and businesses build long-term relationships, turn difficult clients into success stories, and reach peak performance
• Achievements: Featured speaker at retreats, frequent podcast guest, and founder of two successful online summits featuring 20+ top experts in healing and peak performance
• Personal Life: Lives off-grid on 40 acres in rural West Virginia with her husband and dogs
• Website: audreyschnell.com

 

 

Key Topics Discussed

 

1. Boundaries: The Ultimate Power Move (00:36 - 06:51)

• Why We Struggle with Boundaries: Dr. Schnell explains that boundaries are less about others and more about self-care—what we’re willing to accept or not. Many fail to set them due to a need to be liked, hypervigilance, or fear of rejection.
• Practical Tip: For entrepreneurs, set time boundaries (e.g., no client texts at 6 a.m. unless it’s a true emergency). A simple automated response like “I’ve seen your message and will reply soon” can ease the pressure.
• Jason’s Insight: Entrepreneurs often get addicted to busyness, feeding off high cortisol levels and the need to feel wanted.
• Saying No to Good Things: Dr. Schnell highlights the challenge of rejecting appealing opportunities that derail focus—a lesson reinforced by Jason’s anecdote about a billionaire who mastered saying “no” to amazing offers.

 

2.  Emotional Intelligence for Everyone (12:14 - 18:22)

• Underrated EI Skill: Empathy is the game-changer we’re sleeping on. It’s about understanding others’ feelings, not just feeling them (empathy vs. sympathy).
• Cultural Traps: Jason notes society’s victimhood obsession, asking how narcissists can develop empathy. Dr. Schnell debunks the overuse of “narcissist” labels and urges people to escape survival mode to unlock self-awareness and empathy.
• Practical Application: In relationships, aim to connect, not win. Start conversations from shared goals (e.g., “We both want to retire by 70”) and ask curious questions like “What made you say that?” instead of arguing.

 

3. The Science of Getting Things Done (09:15 - 11:41, 21:24 - 28:10)

• Dr. Schnell’s Journey: Her shift from clinical psychology to research (sparked by the rise of computers in the ‘80s) taught her discipline and the power of starting overwhelming projects.
• Fear of Finishing: People avoid completing projects due to fear of imperfection or uncertainty about “what’s next.” Dr. Schnell calls BS on perfectionism—it’s often avoidance or lack of commitment, not a noble trait.
• Discipline Equals Freedom: Procrastination stems from relying on urgency rather than motivation. Jason ties this to his own shift from fear-driven hustle to intentional discipline, noting it protects the nervous system.

 

4. Dumbest Emotional Traps and How to Escape (29:09 - 37:18)

• The Trap: Worry and selfishness top the list. Worry is “praying for the outcome you don’t want,” draining energy without purpose. Selfishness shows up when we obsess over ourselves instead of serving others (e.g., coaches fixating on client perceptions).
• Climbing Out: Take care of your nervous system first—hunger and fatigue amplify toddler-like meltdowns. Self-awareness is key: name your feelings (e.g., “I’m agitated”) to contain them, and don’t trust them as facts.
• Jason’s Take: Society’s feelings-obsession (especially among younger generations) reflects a pendulum swing from repression to indulgence, fueled by our brain’s energy-conserving wiring.

 

5. Decision-Making and Overthinking (38:58 - 44:26)

• Why We Overthink: Survival instincts overestimate task difficulty and underestimate post-task relief, stalling action. Visualization can trick the brain into thinking a job’s done, reducing motivation.
• Solutions: Set a timer for 15 minutes to start, lean on discipline over habits, and anchor decisions to identity (e.g., “I’m not an average person” stopped Dr. Schnell from mindless scrolling).
• Jason’s Game: He challenges his ego’s comfort-seeking, realizing unchecked indulgence leads to stagnation.

 

6. Saying No Without Guilt (46:24 - 50:04)

• The Guilt Trap: People (especially women, per Jason) say “yes” to draining relationships or tasks to avoid discomfort. Guilt isn’t inherently bad—it can motivate—but unchecked, it’s self-focused.
• How to Say No: Reflect on the “why” behind guilt (e.g., “Will I feel like a bad person?”). Weigh the cost to yourself vs. others, and practice sitting with uncomfortable feelings instead of caving.

 

7. Three No-BS EI Strategies (51:50 - 55:00)

• Watch More TV: Observe others’ behaviors in media to spot what you don’t want to emulate (e.g., whining).
• Feel Your Feelings: Name and own them—don’t suppress or over-trust them for decisions.
• Believe in Yourself: Focus on competence and courage, not fleeting confidence. Practice beats imposter syndrome every time.

 

Memorable Quotes

• Dr. Schnell: “Boundaries are really about us and what we are willing and not willing to do.”
• Jason: “We can get so caught up in daily tasks that we look at people as ‘Did you perform?’ instead of having empathy for them as a human.”
• Dr. Schnell: “If one more person says they work better under pressure, nobody works better under pressure—they just work.”
• Dr. Schnell: “Feelings aren’t facts. Don’t trust your feelings.”
• Jason: “Discipline equals freedom—that’s so true.”
• Dr. Schnell: “What you name, you contain.”

 

 

Resources Mentioned

• Dr. Schnell’s Website: audreyschnell.com
• Upcoming Docu-Series: “How to Have Vibrant Health, Wealth, Freedom, and Live the Life You Desire” – Launches April 1, 2025 (details on her website, Facebook, and LinkedIn)
• Social Media: Follow Dr. Schnell on Facebook and LinkedIn

 

 

Final Thoughts

 

This episode is a masterclass in emotional intelligence, blending Dr. Schnell’s 40 years of expertise with Jason’s relatable insights as an entrepreneur and seeker of higher living. From setting boundaries to escaping emotional traps, their conversation cuts through the noise with no-BS strategies anyone can apply. Whether you’re running a business or just running your life, this deep dive will leave you equipped to master your emotions and reach your goals.

 

Visit audreyschnell.com to explore Dr. Schnell’s coaching, blog, and upcoming docu-series. Subscribe to Higher Density Living for more unfiltered wisdom!