The story so far... (a gentle recap); Baldy Kendall has been snatched by the Soupalon race and now upon their Savage Garden satellite station, his importance to the Soupalon is stupendously realised. But what of Busher and his quest with Tucker, Arlee and Jagger to primarily rescue Busher’s cat Ginger (but also having to track down Baldy?) as the fate of humanity hangs in the balance? Our furtive foursome have wound up in the Garden of Futchafutcha, a hypnotic version of a TV game show where presenter Mr. Gay Chris presides. Can they find the final answer to free themselves? Even if they do, the Wishfield awaits with its confounded riddles. Is the humans' life expectancy really over? Or will Baldy Kendall take his place among the pantheon of Gods? All will be inveigled in United Mutations III, a 74 minute full force farcical machine from the purveyors of HQ audio adventure ear-films: Amplevoicepod. Here then is the first of 4 parts to tease it all out. Soon it'll be calving time! (Opening credits sequence) Gay Chris: HELLO BUSHER! I’m Gay Chris! And welcome to ‘Futchafutcha’! Busher: Aaaah! Gay Chris: Move your feet across my hands and sit down on our fabulously designed palms! Okaaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha… Busher: What’s goin’ on? Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer!! Okaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha! Busher: What the fuck? Tucker: If you want to get out of there, you are going to have to play it. Arlee: We need you to play it Nedward. Tucker: Come on Busher! Jagger: It’s up to you now Ned. You wanted it your own way… now you have it wheeeezzzeee! Busher: This is quaren stupid… what does Gay Chris want? He could kill me… Aw, just do it Busher, just do it… do it… for Ginger… Agh! Okaaay… I’m ready to play the game? Gay Chris: Is the RIGHT answer!! Okaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha! Arlee: Phew! Right we’re in… Ahhh! Get out of me head! Busher: Eh howaya Gay Chris! Gay Chris: HELLO NEDDY BUSHER! Fastest finger first remember? Busher: Yeah, yeah, you’ve said it a million times sure… Tucker: I hope he doesn’t fuck this up. Gay Chris: Comfortable? Comfortable? Ok, bring on your fantasies! Busher: Me what? Arlee: What the hell? That hand is raisin’ up a finger! Busher: Oh no… Morten: (POP) Taaaaake-Hi my name is Morten Harkett from AHA and Busher likes to dream about me in the showers Jagger: Wheeeze! Another finger! Laura: (POP) Hi I’m Laura and Busher likes to suck my old toothbrush and stare at me through the hole in his bathroom wall… Tucker: Look! Another one! Bloody hell… Violet: (POP) Hi I’m Violet and Busher likes to slap his cock off me arse for twenty Euro down by the park after the bingo. Busher: PEAH! I do not! Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer! Jagger: Ah you’re sick Ned… Busher: (Under breath) Why Busher why? … Mrs. Bruno: (POP) Hi… I’m Mrs. Bruno and Busher likes to watch me get rode by the Jagger lad down by the Mass Path, at midnight. Busher: What? WHAT? Jagger: HAH? Gabbler: I don’t believe it! The policeman’s wife? Tucker: Holy shit Arlee: You did not! Jagger: Sure you look at her through the window Arlee!? Arlee: I can look can’t I sure? You shot the whole LOT into her! Jagger: It was only the once right, s-she wouldn’t leave me alone! I had to do it to get away! Gabbler: She’s twice your age Jagger! Busher: But I don’t even remember that! How do we stop this game? Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer! Okaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha! Mrs. Flenny: (POP) (cough) Howaya, I’m Mrs. Flenny and Busher likes to put it through the letterbox for a free bit o’ BJ when he’s had the Hash in him. Tucker: No waaaay! He’s doin’ Mrs Flenny too and she on the pension an’ everythin’. Busher: Make it stop Gay Chris please… what do you want from me? Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer! Okaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha! Busher: Ahhhh! Gabbler: Busher, I know what he wants! Arlee: What does he want Gabbler? Busher: Tell me please Gabbler, please! Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer! Okaay, fastest finger first, on Futchafutcha! Gabbler: Do you trust me Busher? Tucker: Come on Gabbler, this is not the time! Help him! Busher: What!? Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer!! Okaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha! Jagger: Ah Gabbler… Busher: Just get me out of here! Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer!! Okaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha! Tucker: Would you just say it you stubborn fack! Arlee: Uh-oh here’s another finger! ‘Manda: (POP) Hi this is ‘Manda and Busher likes to hold hands and take pictures because he doesn’t know how to kiss a girl… Jagger: Wheeeezzzeee it’s the first girlfriend is it Ned? Busher: ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! PEAH, GABBLER I TRUST YAOW! NOW TELL ME WHAT TO DO! Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer! Okaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha! Gabbler: Ok, Busher… Jagger: More lads, over there- Caroline: (POP) Hiya, this is Caroline and Busher likes to squirt his hot load over my head onto me Daddy’s favourite picture of Manchester United in the sitting room, because he had never masterbay- Busher: Quick ya FUCKER! Caroline: …ated before in his life. Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer! Okaay- Sandra: (POP) Hi this is Sandra Davidson and Busher likes to spit in me face, when I don’t give him the ride at the back of the Arlee’s disco… Busher: AHAAWW AHAW! I remember that one tho’! Arlee: You were tryin’ to get up on my sister were ya? Busher: Peah, wassit got to do witcha? Gay Chris: Let’s play… Comfortable? Comfortable? Hmm hmm? Comfortable? Gabbler: Ok, Busher, Gay Chris wants you to use your fastest finger first. Each finger holds a fantasy of yours on top of it. Select the best one. Use your instinct, be fast and don’t think. That’s why it’s fastest finger first! Gay Chris won’t let you go until you tell the truth… Arlee: Hahaha, good one Gabbler… Tucker: Oooiright! Jagger: They’re all equally sick Ned.  Tucker: Woo! Busher: But but, I like them all! I don’t know which one… Gay Chris: Is the WRONG answer! Okaay, fastest finger first on Futchafutcha! Tucker: There has to be a best one, there always is! The one you can rely on, you know, every night! Gay Chris: Comfortable? Comfortable? Comfortable? Fastest Finger, fastest finger, fastest finger, futchafutcha, fastest finger-Busher: (under breath) Which one tho’. All so great. Mrs Flenny’s a golden oldie quick one but with Laura you build up slow and easy. Morten is for when I’m angry and need to wash it off PEAH! Aw sweeeeet Caroline… the classic, fwizzz! Mrs Bruno; best after the hash when you don’t think of Jagger’s raw slapped arse. Sandra… fresh in the mind like yesterday… which is it? MMMM… Gabbler  Come on Busher… come on… Tucker: I hope you are right Gabbler… if not, we may never leave this place. Arlee: Don’t say that… Bad enough hearing voices sure, I don’t need to be watchin’ Busher’s sick fantasies poppin’ up for the rest of me life… Busher: (To himself) Are the lads are watchin’ me? Has to be Caroline for the shock of it at the time… Ah no… but is it me best fantasy? Why are there no ones with supermodels or B0urney’s girlfriend in it? Why do I always have to get the stupid real ones? Tucker: He’s thinkin’ too much… just spit it out!  Gay Chris: Comfortable? Hmm? Comfortable? Fastest finger, fastest finger, fastest finger, futchafutcha, fastest finger. There’s no rush, there’s no rush… Take your time... Fastest finger… VOTE NOW! Gabbler: I know I am right. Jagger: You have to be! Wheeeezzzeee! Gay Chris: We want you to win, we want you to win, everyone’s behind you, take your time, take your time… Vote now, fastest finger first, comfortable? Take your time. Busher: Stop talk-STOP TALKIN’ TO ME WILL YA?? Tucker: Stop thinkin’ will ya... Gay Chris: Comfortable? Take your time… Busher: (To himself) Head’s spinnin’, need Mammy… Everyone’s lookin’ at me. Ok Gay Chris, I’m gonna go for it… Gay Chris: Is the RIGHT ANSWER! Amplevoicepod make ear-film comedy drama adventures where we submerge your ears in a sea of sound, putting you at the heart of the story along with our heroes. Bursting out feature-length stories with over 40 titles and 50+ characters, all created from collaborative ideas and sculpted over months to arrive at the final mix. United Mutations is a 4-hour sci-fi podcast series by Amplevoicepod divvied up into 12 storming sections for your delectation. If you like podcast stories with atmosphere, panic and stupidity, served in high resolution audio, where you can immerse yourself into another world (and who wouldn't these days hmm?) you may just get this. A prime feast of a podcast. Not quite Ulysses 31 but just as awesome.