I miss the old me.

I miss her capacity. Her spontaneity. The whirlwind. The version of me who could say yes without first calculating the cost.

But I also understand her differently now — the adrenaline, the overriding, the overwhelm, and the crashes that I didn’t yet have language for.

In this Autistic Musing, I’m sitting with one of the contradictions of late identification: grieving parts of who I used to be while also loving the slower, quieter, more truthful life I have now.

Maybe I don’t want the old me back. But I do miss her. And perhaps both can be true.

What changes when we stop asking Autistic people to fit more comfortably into the world as it is — and start getting curious about what they actually need?

In this episode, I’m joined by Autistic and ADHD author and speaker Pete Wharmby for a wide-ranging conversation about Autistic life, relationships, children who find school difficult or impossible to attend, and what happens when we begin to understand and accommodate our own needs.

We talk about Pete’s first book, Untypical, and his new book, Different Minds: How We Can Help Our Autistic School Children Thrive, as well as the changes that could make the world safer and easier for Autistic people.

And perhaps one of the simplest is also one of the biggest: attitude. What if, instead of being offended or threatened by difference, we could simply become more neutral towards it?

Today’s episode is sponsored by Otavo.
Unlearning Autism listeners can get 10% off using the code UNLEARNING10.

Unlearning Autism is hosted by Christine Doyle.

Welcome back to Unlearning Autism. Season Two is here.

In Season One, so much of my focus was on understanding ourselves. This season, my curiosity is widening: what happens when we take what we're learning about ourselves and actually let it change something?

There’ll be conversations about both the Autistic and AuDHD experience, burnout, overwhelm and the barriers we face — but those won't be the only stories we tell. I want to make room for joy, possibility, creativity and curiosity too, and for people who are building lives around who they actually are.

There are brilliant guests coming, including Pete Wharmby and Julie M Green, conversations with people at different ages and stages of life, and plenty more My Autistic Musings.

Maybe Season Two can be about a little less explaining ourselves, and a little more living.

Welcome back. I'm really glad you're here.

Unlearning Autism is back for Season Two.

New conversations with brilliant guests, more of My Autistic Musings, and lots more curiosity about what it means to know ourselves — and to do life a little differently because of what we know.

We’ll be talking Autism, AuDHD, identity, relationships, capacity, self-trust — and all the complicated, interesting bits in between.

Season Two launches Wednesday, September 9th.

Follow or subscribe now so you don’t miss an episode.

In the final episode of season one of Unlearning Autism, Christine reflects on the journey of creating a neurodiversity-affirming podcast that centred the lived experience of late-identified Autistic people in their own words.

Across 18 episodes, conversations explored identity after knowing, masking, burnout, motherhood, nervous systems, belonging, creativity, relationships, sensory overwhelm, and what changes when we finally begin to understand ourselves differently. Christine revisits some of the powerful moments shared by guests including Abigail Ward, Laura Crowley, Nicola O'Dwyer, Andrea Anderson, Laura Guckian, Katie Kerley, Eliza Fricker and Dr. Emma Offord.

This episode is also a heartfelt thank you — to producer Abigail Ward, to Doerte Meyer for the beautiful podcast music, and to the thousands of listeners who supported, shared, and connected with these conversations throughout the season.

Christine also shares a glimpse into season two, which will continue exploring identity, relationships, unmasking, hormones, nervous system sustainability, belonging, and what it means to build a life that truly fits after knowing.

Thank you for being part of season one.

In this episode of Unlearning Autism, Christine reflects on the profound role of Autistic community and why connection with other Autistic people can feel so deeply regulating, validating, and life-changing.

She explores the difference between being understood and being understood without explanation — the relief of hearing someone speak aloud an experience you thought was uniquely yours. Christine reflects on masking, misattunement, exhaustion, and the lifelong experience many Autistic people have of feeling “too much” or “not enough” in predominantly allistic spaces.

This episode also explores:
✨ Why Autistic spaces can feel energising rather than draining
✨ The nervous system impact of constantly translating yourself
✨ The difference between connection and misattunement
✨ The vulnerability of stepping into community after years of adapting
✨ What happens when your way of being becomes the norm rather than the exception

At its heart, this is an episode about belonging, recognition, and the quiet freedom of no longer having to explain yourself.

In this episode, I’m joined by Dr. Emma Offord — clinical psychologist, founder of Divergent Life, and host of This Voice Is Mine.

Emma’s work centres on late-identified Autistic and ADHD adults, and on what happens when we begin to understand ourselves outside of the medical model.

We talk about the power of lived experience — how stories, not textbooks, often become the pathway to recognition.

Emma shares her concept of positive disintegration — the process of things falling away so something more truthful can emerge — and how unlearning can be both unsettling and deeply liberating.

We explore what it means to understand your neurobiology as a human right, not a privilege — and how that understanding can shift shame, reshape identity, and change how we relate to ourselves and each other.

This is a conversation about:
– coming home to yourself
– questioning the systems we’ve been shaped by
– and building lives that actually fit

You can find Emma’s work here:
Divergent Life — https://www.divergentlife.co.uk/
Podcast: This Voice Is Mine — https://open.spotify.com/show/7ioZvshGC5UnLaz3AYaZIT?si=064e96a6812c4cfb&nd=1&dlsi=ed9819a12ad340c6

As always, this episode centres lived experience — the kind that so many of us were never given language for.

🎧 Listen now on Unlearning Autism

Therapy can help deeply — but only when it understands what it’s looking at.

In this minisode, Christine reflects on therapy through an Autistic lens — what can help, what can miss the mark, and why support should never be about forcing people to fit environments that are harming them.

Therapy can be life-changing. It can also completely miss the point when Autistic experience is misunderstood.

In this episode, Christine shares her reflections on therapy, support, and what many late-identified Autistic adults are really looking for when they reach out for help. She explores the difference between supporting a person and trying to change them, why nervous system realities matter, and why insight alone is not always enough.

This is a thoughtful conversation about fit, understanding, and what healing can look like when we stop assuming the person is the problem.

In this episode of Unlearning Autism, I sit down with Eliza Fricker — author, illustrator, advocate, and one of the most respected voices in conversations around Autistic children, PDA, education, and parenting outside the traditional behaviour model.

Eliza is the author of A Different Kind of Parenting, the Sunday Times bestselling Can’t Not Won’t, the autobiographical Thumbsucker, and her latest book Could Try Harder, out May 2026.

Together, we explore what happens when children are misunderstood by systems built around compliance, performance, and narrow ideas of success. We talk about parenting children whose needs don’t fit the mainstream mould, the emotional cost of being repeatedly “missed,” and why so many families are forced to become advocates simply to protect their children.

This is a rich, honest, deeply human conversation about education, identity, compassion, and the courage it takes to do things differently.

This conversation touches on:
• PDA and why traditional behaviour approaches can cause harm
• the school system and children who are misunderstood within it
• parenting beyond reward-and-punishment models
• shame, blame, and the pressure placed on families
• the emotional reality of advocacy for your child
• how creativity and humour can tell hard truths
• why different children need different ways of being supported
• reimagining success, learning, and belonging

Eliza speaks with warmth, clarity, and lived wisdom about the realities many families know intimately but rarely hear reflected in mainstream conversations.

Don’t forget to subscribe to Unlearning Autism to hear more guest conversations and my shorter My Autistic Musings episodes each week. If this episode resonated with you, please share it with someone who might benefit from hearing it.

About Eliza

Eliza Fricker is an author, illustrator, and advocate working in the areas of PDA, Autistic experience, parenting, and education. She is the author of A Different Kind of Parenting, the Sunday Times bestseller Can’t Not Won’t, Thumbsucker, and Could Try Harder.

Through her books, talks, webinars, consultations, and the much-loved Missing the Mark illustrations, Eliza has helped countless parents and educators better understand children whose needs are often misunderstood.

Her work invites a more compassionate, informed, and human way of supporting children and families.

Books: Could Try Harder is available for pre-order and is out in May 2026.
Website: https://www.missingthemark.co.uk/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/elizafricker_missingthemark

🎧 Listen on Spotify / Apple Podcasts / christinedoyle.ie
🔗 Full transcript for this episode is available on Spotify Podcasts

You can connect with Christine on Instagram: @christinedoyle.ieVisit christinedoyle.ie for webinars, speaking work, resources, and the Wild Women Community.

In this short musing from Unlearning Autism, I share a simple, practical way I support myself in staying connected with the people I care about.

For many Autistic people, friendship isn’t about a lack of care — it’s often about capacity, a busy or overwhelmed mind, and the very real experience of “out of sight, out of mind.”

In this episode, I talk about:

• why staying in touch can feel difficult, even when relationships matter deeply
• how this can be misunderstood by others
• and a gentle “friendship hack” I use to stay connected in a way that works for me

This isn’t about trying harder or being more consistent in a neurotypical way.

It’s about creating small, intentional ways to show up — within your capacity.

If you’ve ever worried that you’re not a “good enough” friend, this may offer a different way of understanding that.

Many thanks as always to Abigail Ward for producing the podcast and to Doerte Meyer for composing and performing my podcast jingle.