In this insightful episode of The Thriving Mompreneur , host Liz Kent welcomes therapist and coach Kristen Mize to delve into the often unspoken experiences of eldest daughters and how these patterns can impact their journey into motherhood and entrepreneurship. Kristen, an eldest daughter herself and a specialist in maternal mental health, sheds light on the "eldest daughter syndrome," a cluster of traits often seen in firstborn or primary caretaker daughters.

They discuss how early responsibilities and expectations can lead to high-functioning anxiety, perfectionism, difficulty asking for help, and a tendency to overfunction. Kristen offers practical strategies for recognizing these patterns, prioritizing self-care, and unlearning the ingrained habit of putting everyone else's needs before their own, ultimately empowering mompreneurs to thrive without burning out.

Key Takeaways

• The "eldest daughter syndrome," while not a formal diagnosis, describes a common set of experiences and traits in firstborn or primary caretaker daughters, often leading to overfunctioning in adulthood.

• Early experiences of being the "little adult" or parentified child can result in a lifelong pattern of prioritizing others' needs and struggling to identify and meet their own.

• The transition to motherhood can be particularly challenging for high-achieving, overfunctioning women as the demands of infant care can feel like a loss of control and competence.

• Learning to tune into bodily cues and asking "How am I doing? What do I need?" throughout the day is a crucial first step in shifting the focus inward.

• True self-care involves sustainable, regular practices like hydration and rest, rather than just occasional indulgences.

• Setting boundaries and communicating needs, even to children, is essential for managing overstimulation and modeling healthy self-care.

• Understanding the origins of overfunctioning can reduce shame and empower women to create a new narrative where they are enough just as they are.

• Seeking support from therapists, coaches, or peer communities is vital for unlearning these patterns and building a more balanced and fulfilling life.

  
  

Quotes from the Episode

• "We have practiced for 29-30 years before having kids depending on how old you are and so it's going to take a lot more practice to retrain and rewire [overfunctioning patterns]."

• "We get so used to looking outward of ourselves...that we never learn to look inward, wow, how do I feel?"

• "We can't ask our kids to do what we can't do for ourselves."

• "Understanding that how you're feeling now has so much to do with how you have felt for many, many years...your bandwidth is really, really low after years and years of dealing with this."

• "You are enough just as you are. You're doing enough. There's no such thing as perfection and that you can't control how everybody feels about you. So yeah, you do you."

• "Don't do this alone. You don't have to do this alone."

  
  

Resources Mentioned

• Host Liz Kent’s website: https://www.lizkentcoaching.com/

  
  

• Kristen Mize, Calm Mom Collective:

• Instagram: @calmmomcollective

• Website: www.kristinmize.com 

  
  

• Postpartum Support International (PSI): https://postpartum.net/

• A global organization providing support and resources for individuals and families experiencing perinatal mental health challenges. You can find local resources and support through their website.

  
  

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