Every year, as my birthday approaches, I find myself caught in the same cycle. Not excitement — but a strange distance. Instead of looking forward, I feel the weight of what I didn’t do, the focus I lost, the promises I didn’t keep to myself. It becomes less about turning a year older and more about measuring everything I think I should have accomplished by now.

At the same time, I know I’m appreciated. I know people care. But appreciation isn’t the same as celebration — and that quiet gap has always left me feeling disconnected on the one day that’s supposed to be mine.

In this episode, I’m opening up about that disconnect: why birthdays can feel heavy instead of joyful, how self-criticism overshadows gratitude, and what it means to sit with the tension between being valued and being truly celebrated.