What are restraining orders? What can you get a restraining order for? Who can apply for a restraining order? What does the restraining order process look like? In this episode, we explore all facets of restraining orders.

We cover the difference between a temporary restraining order and a final restraining order, the difference between a civil restraint and a restraining order, answer frequently asked questions and much more. Please note, this information applies to New Jersey law. If you are in another state or country it may be different.

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:38) What is a Restraining Order?

(4:37) Temporary vs. Final Restraining Orders

(8:22) What is a Predicate Act?

(9:58) Burden of Proof

(12:13) What is Involved in Obtaining a Restraining Order

(15:22) How Do You Get A Restraining Order?

(18:43) What Can You Get A Restraining Order For?

(23:30) Civil Restraint vs. Restraining Order

(27:09) Advice for Seeking a Restraining Order

(34:31) Prior Acts of Domestic Violence

(37:12) FAQs

(41:11) Violating a Restraining Order

(43:20) Will the Defendant Know I Filed?

(45:23) About JBWS & Resources

Resources:

Find more resources about restraining orders: ⁠jbws.org/resources

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Have you ever felt like you couldn't say no to someone? Were you ever encouraged to just give in to avoid embarrassing someone asking you on a date? Why do we prioritize the feelings of the person asking someone out and disregard the comfort of the person being asked?

In this episode, we discuss why it’s so hard for us to say no and the importance of accepting no.

Resources:⁠

Learn how to express concern for people experiencing jbws.org/resources

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠ 

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ ⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠ 

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

With the coverage surrounding Sean "Diddy" Combs trial, many people are questioning why Cassie Ventura didn't just leave Diddy. However, even asking this question demonstrates a fundamental misunderstanding of domestic violence.

We felt it was critically important to re-release this episode of Unsilenced that explores why leaving an abusive relationship isn't that easy and how is the most dangerous time in a victim's life.

Resources:

Learn how to express concern for people experiencing abuse

Learn how to express concern for people using abuse

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ ⁠jbws.org/services⁠ 

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit⁠ jbws.org/jcnv⁠ 

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

 Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

How can you tell if a person is naturally passionate and expresses their affection through big displays of love versus someone who is using love bombing to gain power and control? In this episode of Unsilenced, Dr. Danielle Graddick explains the signs of love bombing, how it differs from loving relationships, and how love bombing intersects with domestic violence.

Content:

(0:00) Introduction

(1:35) Defining Love Bombing

(3:00) Why is Love Bombing a Problem?

(4:15) What is the Effect of Love Bombing?

(7:57) Can Love Bombing Happen at Any Age?

(8:52) Love Bombing and The Cycle of Violence

(10:27) A Personal Experience with Love Bombing

(14:17) Romantic Gestures vs. Love Bombing

(20:04) Love Bombing and Social Media

(24:44) Love Bombing, Abuse, and Isolation

(26:53) Love Bombing? Or Genuine Interest?

(30:00) About JBWS and Resources

Resources:

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠ jbws.org/services

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Love. Hope. Fear. These are the emotions that victims of abuse typically experience throughout the cycle of violence. There are three main phases: Tension Building, Explosion, and Loving & Contrite.

In the tension building phase, victims may notice their partner's mood changes, their posture alters, or their tone shifts. This could make them feel like they're walking on eggshells until an explosion occurs. In the explosion phase, abuse escalates. Shouting gets louder, threats become more severe, and physical assault may occur.

After the explosion phase, the person causing harm may promise to never hurt their partner again. They may apologize, start to act like they did in the beginning of the relationship, and be loving - until the cycle continues.

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:20) Tension Building

(7:34) Explosion

(12:55) Loving and Contrite

(18:35) Is it Abuse Without the Cycle of Violence?

(20:18) Does Abuse Stop in the Loving and Contrite Phase?

(26:23) About JBWS & Resources

About JBWS & Resources

The Cycle of Violence

If you are in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠jbws.org/services.

If you notice controlling or unhealthy behaviors in yourself, JBWS can help. Call 973.539.7801 or visit jbws.org/jcnv.⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Do you ever have a right to tell your partner what they can and can’t do? Is it ever okay to threaten to leave a relationship if the other person doesn’t change a behavior you don’t like? Where is the line between communicating needs and exerting control over your partner?

Power and control is at the heart of unhealthy relationships, but it’s not always easy to recognize. This episode analyzes all aspects of power and control so listeners can begin to recognize these signs in their relationships or their loved ones relationships.

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(01:51) What Is Power and Control?

(5:25) Coercion and Threats

(10:02) Control & Threatening to Leave

(12:31) Intimidation

(22:23) Emotional Abuse

(27:08) The Cycle of Violence

(28:17) Isolation

(35:05) Denying, Minimizing, and Blaming

(42:54) Using Children to Maintain Control

(45:32) Status Abuse

(48:43) Financial Abuse

(53:54) Equality in Relationships

(54:46) Physical and Sexual Violence

(55:58) Putting It All Together

(1:00:28) About JBWS & Resources

Power and Control Wheel

Equality Wheel

What Does Emotional Abuse Look and Feel Like?

Resources:

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Do you consider consent when brushing your hand against someone's back at the bar? Do you think about it before hugging someone who is in tears? Too often, we only think about consent in regards to sexual activity, but it's something we should consider daily.

In this episode of Unsilenced, Maria Lagattuta explores:

• What consent looks like in all relationships
• How victims of abuse frequently don't have much consent in their relationships
• How nonconsensual activities can negatively impact victims of abuse
• How people cannot consent to activities that could kill them, such as choking during sex
• And how people can practice noticing when something feels consensual to them

CONTENT:

(0:00) Introduction

(1:30) Is Consent Always Sexual?

(2:45) Nonsexual Forms of Consent

(6:06) Emotional Consent

(8:01) What Consent Does and Doesn't Look Like

(10:00) The Lack of No Doesn't Mean Yes

(11:23) Arousal Doesn't Mean Always Imply Consent

(12:45) How Is Consent Used in Power and Control?

(19:57) Learning to Recognize Consent in Yourself

(21:53) Victims Don't Consent to Abuse

(26:15) Can Choking During Sex Be Consensual?

(34:46) Consent in Daily Life

(40:29) About JBWS & Resources

Resources:

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Imagine a woman who has endured emotional, physical, or sexual abuse for years. Her husband has isolated her from family and friends, restricted her finances, and harms her every day. If this woman then physically hurts her partner – is she seen as abusive?

Dr. Lisa Young Larance is a pioneer in the field of antiviolence intervention with extensive experience working with women who have used abuse in their relationships. On this episode of Unsilenced, Dr. Young Larance examines:

• The issue with the victim-offender binary
• Explains why programs designed for men who have used abuse will not work for women due to differences in socialization
• Offers insight into how society perceives victims of abuse who harm their partners
• And answers the question “Can Women Be Abusive?”

Content:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:02) Avoiding Stereotypes and History

(10:36) Why Programs for Men Won’t Work for Women

(15:44) The Issue with the Victim Offender Binary

(17:11) The “Lifetime” Victim

(18:51) Fear vs. Dread

(22:58) What is Coercive Control?

(27:36) Women’s Socialization Vs. Men’s Socialization

(29:07) Mandatory Arrest Laws

(31:50) How Society Views Women Who Fight Back

(36:07) Can Women Be Abusive?

(39:18) About JBWS & Resources

Find Dr. Young Larance's Book:

Broken: Women’s Stories of Intimate and Institutional Harm and Repair by Dr. Lisa Young Larance

Resources and Additional Information:

⁠Is Your Relationship Healthy? ⁠

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800.799.SAFE (7233).

JBWS' 24-Hour Helpline: 1.877.782.2873

Support for those using abuse: jbws.org/jcnv

*Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Abuse among teens can look different than our typical understanding of domestic violence. In this episode, Maddie Hahn, the manager of JBWS’ Dating Abuse Prevention Program, answers many questions about dating abuse for both teenagers and their parents or guardians.

This episode covers:

• Location sharing, the expectation of constant communication, how we can model healthy relationships for teenagers, how bullies mimic dynamics of power and control we see in abuse, the importance of maintaining our relationship armor, and more.

Maddie explains how parents or guardians can casually promote healthy relationships by encouraging discussions about media and pop culture. When these discussions do arise, Maddie offers suggestions on dos and donts for navigating the conversation.  

Content:

(0:00) Introduction

(2:10) Can Abuse Happen In Teen Relationships?

(7:48) Location Sharing

(12:52) Constant Texting

(16:50) Maintaining Relationship Armor

(20:11) Warning Signs of Abuse

(24:27) Dos and Donts for Talking to Teens about Relationships

(31:27) Modeling Healthy Relationships

(32:53) Bullies Use Power and Control

(35:09) The Harm in Downplaying Teen Relationships

(38:01) How Breaking Up Could Be Dangerous

(40:18) Closing Remarks

(43:22) About JBWS & Services

Resources:

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris

Did you know that teenagers can experience dating abuse? Before reaching adulthood, 1 in 3 teenagers will experience some form of abuse by their partner. In this episode of Unsilenced, Shari Genser, Esq. will discuss

• what legal protections are in place for teenaged victims of abuse
• why victims sometimes drop restraining orders,
• how difficult it may be for teenagers to come forward about sexual abuse, and much more.

*Please note: this is not to be used as legal guidance, please seek services if you want unique, individual legal advice.

Resources:

Are you in an unhealthy relationship and living or working in Morris County, New Jersey? JBWS can help call our 24-Hour Helpline at 1.877.782.2873 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/services⁠⁠⁠⁠. ⁠⁠

Do you recognize controlling or abusive behaviors in yourself? JBWS can also help. Please call 973.539.7801 or visit ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠jbws.org/jcnv⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

If you don't live or work in Morris County, NJ please visit https://www.thehotline.org/ or call 800.799.SAFE (7233)

Unsilenced: Real Conversations About Abuse is produced by JBWS, a domestic violence agency serving Morris County, New Jersey. If you're interested in learning more about JBWS, please visit⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ jbws.org ⁠⁠⁠⁠

Intro and outro music donated by Billy Morris