Jay Stringer provides a path forward to healing by pointing us back to the stories that shape our thought lives, sexual fantasies and unwanted sexual behaviors. His research suggests that the nature of our fantasies and unwanted sexual behavior (including things like the search terms used when looking for pornography) are revelatory of our past lives, childhood issues and experiences, and situations we are now facing. Unfortunately, we are so busy apologizing to God for our behavior that we rarely take the time to explore what our behavior reveals.

Although men are usually surprised when they start making connections between their stories and their behavior, Stringer believes that God is neither surprised nor shamed by our behavior because the work of redemption is played out through our brokenness. Jay emphasizes that we have a kind and curious creator, pointing to Romans 2:4 ("It is the kindness of God that leads to change").

Stringer explains that working through the hurt of our stories is critical because, without it, we end up hurting those around us. Quoting Richard Rohr, Stringer counsels "The pain we do not transform we transmit. Always someone else has to suffer because I do not know how to."

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