UP #79: Spiritual Bypassing and When Our Honeymoon with Spirituality is Over with Robert Masters

A few years back, I had a powerful awakening that forever changed my life. It was catalyzed by a tragic death, an Ironman triathlon, a dark night of the soul, and a glimmer of light that led me on a deeply personal journey of self exploration. It was a pivotal time in my life that led me to the discovery of more of I was meant to be.

As I progressed along the path of healing, I took an unexpected detour that led me to question who I was becoming. As I morphed and expanded, I fed my mind with an endless supply of personal growth, self-development and spiritual books that initially seemed to help me become…”better”. As I pressed on with my voracious reading binge however, I started feeling confused. Why was it so hard to remain in a perpetual state of positivity? Why could I not tame my inner fire? Why did I feel so ashamed with my judgements? Why were the coveted states of bliss and joy so evasive?

The more confused I felt, the more confined I felt. The more confined I felt, the more frustrated I became. I was struggling to fit into the spiritual and growth models that so many ascended “gurus” have written about.

Eventually, I reached a threshold where I felt a deeply uncomfortable misalignment with my authentic self. I needed to return to the real me.

On pure impulse one morning, I packed up my books (boxes and boxes of them) and donated them to the local library. In the process, I liberated myself and accepted me…for me. Warts and all. In that moment, I stopped judging myself for not being the perfect specimen of spiritual evolution.

I realized that the journey of self evolution has no finish line. It’s organic, non linear, and profoundly personal. I also noticed that I wasn’t alone in my misaligned perception of spirituality. I found myself irritated with the many people who so deftly spoke the spiritual lingo, but who lacked congruence with their behaviors and actions. I wondered what it was all about…and how did I fall prey to it?

I discovered the answer in two words – spiritual bypassing – an eloquent way of avoiding who we authentically are. A subtle, yet pervasive mindset that infiltrates consciousness in ways that lead to the avoidance of the painful and “socially unacceptable” parts of who we are. Spiritual bypassing gives us the illusion that we are more whole than we actually are.

No wonder I didn’t feel authentic. I was trying to be something that I’m not.

I realized that it’s ok to not be all love and light all of the time. It’s just not realistic. Anyone who claims to be so is a liar (or on heavy drugs). For crying out loud, even the Dalai Llama gets pissed off! The key though, is how we cope with our feelings; emotional literacy.

This led me on a deeper exploration into the psychic fabric of spiritual bypassing. And this is how I discovered the work of this week’s Unplug podcast guest.

Robert Masters is the author of Spiritual Bypassing: When Spirituality Disconnects Us from What Really Matters. He’s also an integral psychotherapist, relationship expert, trainer of healing professionals, and author of many other profoundly transformative books. His work blends the psychological and emotional with the spiritual.

When I read his book, Spiritual Bypassing, it all made sense. I felt a greater sense of liberation. I felt a deeper connection to my true self…including all of my unpleasant bits. When I completed the book, I knew that I had to reach out to Robert for this show. I was excited to share his message of pure authenticity – permission to be who we truly are.

Here’s the deal, if you can talk the spiritual talk, but the spiritual walk still fills you with pain, there’s a strong likelihood that you’re spiritually bypassing. Don’t worry though, there’s a way out…and that’s in.

This week,