Verge

What have my relationships taught me about how I want to feel in love? From dating and an engagement to heartbreak and starting over, I'm reflecting on the lessons that brought me here.

In this episode:

• The relationships that looked right on paper - and the doubts I kept explaining away

• The cheating chapter: my experience, therapy, and reflections on the different paths people take afterward

• A situationship, my stroke, and the complicated experience of feeling cared for but not chosen

• What I learned about personal boundaries in therapy

• My personal three-month dating checkpoint

• The sunk cost fallacy and the pull of "I've put so much time into this"

• Why I compare a relationship to a business (hear me out)

• Core values, self-belief, and what love that aligns means to me

These are lessons from my experience, not a timeline or rulebook for yours. You don't have to be a perfect partner to deserve honesty and respect.

A note on safety: abuse isn't only physical. If you feel unsafe in your relationship, prioritize your safety and seek local support. This episode isn't a substitute for individualized help.

Video on Spotify, Audio on Apple

Follow me and let's be friends! Instagram: @ab0ben

What does a mint on a date have to do with your core values? More than you think.

In this episode of Verge, Alyssa gets into how she found hers - and how you can find yours:

- What a value actually is (and why it's not the same as a preference), with the psychology definition she reads on air

- The mint story: how one small moment with a guy she was dating exposed a values misalignment

- The therapy exercise - 200 values narrowed to 20, then 10, then five - that she did one month before her stroke, and how it guided her through recovery

- Inherited vs. chosen values, and the one-line test to tell them apart

- Why every creator, brand, and trend online is pushing a set of values - and the question to ask before you borrow theirs

- The Hinge experiment: what happened when she asked matches for their top three personal core values

- Her current top five, why values don't usually disappear (they reorder), and this week's challenge: pick one value and ask if your life shows it

- Why that "off" feeling in your chest might be a value you're not living

You're listening to Verge. We're all on the verge of something. Let's talk about it.

Video episodes on Spotify / Audio only on Apple

Instagram: ab0ben

Sources:

- Schwartz, S. H. (2012). An Overview of the Schwartz Theory of Basic Values. Online Readings in Psychology and Culture. https://doi.org/10.9707/2307-0919.1116

- Bardi, A., Lee, J. A., Hofmann-Towfigh, N., & Soutar, G. (2009). The structure of intraindividual value change. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0016617

- Meta-analysis of longitudinal studies on value stability and change. https://doi.org/10.1037/e644602010-001

Feeling scrambled by wellness advice? Here's a simpler way to think about it: Five dials.

In this bonus episode:

• The five dials that make up physical wellness

• What a "5 out of 10" really means, and why you don't need all 10s

• What to do when one dial drops

• How the dials work together to improve your physical welness overall

Follow me on Instagram :) : ab0ben

Episodes are released weekly! Follow to be a part of the Verge community.

Video on Spotify, Audio only on Apple

What's better than one physical therapist giving you wellness tips? Two.

My first-ever guest, Chloe Tuma (PT and friend), joins me for a physical wellness episode - we each brought our top 5 tips, no comparing notes first.

What you'll learn:

- Why the way your job makes you move isn't enough for your body

- Why "I'm fine on 4 hours of sleep" doesn't mean what you think it means

- The protein rule that works even if you hate counting

- Why treats and rest made the top 5 - rigid wellness isn't wellness

- How much water you actually need (think: a plant that likes water)

- Why 10,000 steps is outdated, and the number that actually matters

- The dial that changes how you think about every wellness goal you've set

Build trust with yourself. Show up for you. You're never going to regret prioritizing your own wellness.

Find Chloe's nutrition coaching page on Instagram: @glow.coachchloe

Follow Alyssa on Instagram at: ab0ben

Sources: Ding et al., daily step count and health outcomes meta-analysis, The Lancet Public Health (2025); National Sleep Foundation/AASM sleep duration recommendations (7-9 hrs).

Video/audio: Spotify

Audio only: Apple Podcasts

I was tired of being told how resilient I was. Not because I hate resilience, but because I was still in the thick of it. Resilience is a process, not a personality trait.

In part 2 of my stroke story on Verge, I'm sharing what came after the hospital: stroke recovery, returning to work, and learning to respect what my brain needed. This isn't about medical trauma. It's about perspective, facing adversity, and finding ways to get back up again.

In this episode, I talk about:

• Returning to work after a stroke, one hour at a time

• Brain injury, overstimulation, and making room for brain breaks

• Why being called "resilient" didn't always feel supportive

• Resilience as a dynamic process, and what self-efficacy means

• The words and actions that helped while I was healing

• Changing careers and continuing recovery without having it all figured out

Whether you're recovering from an injury or going through a different challenge, I'm sharing my experience in the hope that it offers a perspective you can take into your own life.

We're all on the verge of something. Let's talk about it.

Follow me on Instagram: ab0ben

Video podcast on Spotify, Audio only on Apple

Sources:

Donna Roberts, "Introduction to Resilience," The Psychology of Resilience, Embry-Riddle Aeronautical University EaglePubs:

https://eaglepubs.erau.edu/psychologyofresilience/chapter/main-content-3/

Cambridge Dictionary, "Self-efficacy":

https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/self-efficacy

I had a stroke at 31 years old. I was hospitalized for 7 days. I also had a clot that went to an artery in my leg. Why? How do you come back from this?

This is a bonus episode of "On the Verge of Taking Control of Your Life." I had recorded this episode first, and realized my stroke story took up too much time in that episode and didn't provide as much value for you guys.

I still wanted to share my story in full, and I hope it helps you connect with my why further.

Instagram: ab0ben

Video podcast on Spotify, Audio only on Apple Podcasts

What does it mean to be in the drivers seat of your own life when the road takes a turn where you didn't expect it?

In this episode of Verge, I share how having a stroke at 31 years old caused a detour in my life, and how I decided to respond and be in the drivers seat to my life destination.

• What is self advocacy
• What my stroke taught me
• Why life changes take effort, support, and respect for time
• Why you don't need to know your entire destination to take the next small step

You may not get to choose every turn in the road, but you can keep asking where you want to go and what's within your power today.

Follow me on Instagram: @ab0ben

Video episodes on Spotify, Audio only on Apple Podcasts

Do you feel like you avoid rejection or have a big response to being rejected? In this episode, I am challenging the way we give, receive, and interpret rejection in dating, friendships, and everyday life.

We're talking about:

• 3 levels of rejection: Mini, Moderate, and Major
• How rejection can change our behavior and how to stay true to ourselves
• Ghosting in dating and friendships
• How honest, challenging conversations close the loop
• How to deliver rejection with clarity and kindness
• How to grow your capacity to handle rejection at every level

Let's learn to accept rejection, continue down the path that's right for us, and honor others with the same honesty and humanity we hope to receive.

What if the person your dating really does like you - but still isn't capable of building a relationship with you?

In this episode of Verge, I am breaking down my Dating Matrix: a framework for understanding the difference between interest and capacity in dating. We will talk about the four combinations of interest and relationship capacity, why high interest + low capacity creates some of the most confusing dating experiences, the difference between connection and partnership, and vulnerability in relationships.

If you've ever found yourself stuck in a "situationship" or found yourself feeling confused while dating... this episode is for you!

Because when it comes to long term partnership, maybe the question isn't just "Do they like me?" Maybe it's "Do they want to build partnership with me - and are they willing and able to build one?"

*Not so deep!

Not so deep!

Welcome to episode 1 of Verge!

I'm Alyssa, and this is an introduction to me, the idea behind Verge, why I finally decided to start a podcast, and naturally, a few tangents :)

We talk about defining moments, dating and relationships, finding purpose, human potential, and what it means to be on the verge of something new.

Some of it is deep. Some of it is absolutely not.

We're all on the verge of something. Let's talk about it.