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Vexations


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A knock at the lead developers’ office door, a soft rap on sandalwood inlaid with carvings so intricate it would have caused Michelangelo to weep, and it had. Twice. “Come.” said a voice from inside.
Throughout human history, many claimed to have heard that voice: comforting them, guiding them from the depths of their sorry souls, but only a few of them ever truly had. It was the kind of voice that people wrote books about, started wars about, several in fact. It was the voice of Jesus H. Christ: Son of God and Lead Developer.
The door opened and in glided a Seraphim, a being of pure light. As it crossed the threshold the Seraphim dimmed respectfully for a few seconds, before flaring back to brilliance.
Christ sat reclined in his chair with his feet propped up on the grand African Blackwood desk before him. He gave a short nod in greeting.
“My Lord,” came the Seraphims voice, a gender-less timbre which echoed as though it came from the bottom of a deep well. “The miseries division has finished designing the new vexations. We request your permission to begin QA testing.”
“Granted,” said Christ who sat up in his chair and leaned over his desk with fingers steepled. Light from the Seraphim and the room passed through the holes in his wrists making twin pinpricks of gold in his hunched shadow.
“Thank you, sir,” replied the Seraphim who dimmed a second time before coming back to full brightness. “We need a new soul object to test this batch of vexations on, as you’ve sent the last one to Live.”
Jesus was wrong. Quite wrong, the Jack Allison object was very much on Live meaning that it was very much, a-live. The tests would have an irreversible impact on its reality, but the Seraphim wasn’t about to tell the Son of God and Lead Developer that he was wrong. Was it? The truth was that the Seraphims' confidence had been building bit-by-bit, every second since it crossed the threshold and hadn’t been reduced to a pile of unmade ash, the fate of the previous project manager.
Feeling positively buoyed, quite invincible really, by its continued existence the Seraphim’s light flickered rapidly for a quarter of a second, to indicate its intention to speak truths.
“Yes?” Jesus, Son of God and Lead Developer affixed his gaze on the Seraphim.
“Nothing sir, right away sir,” said the Seraphim, struck with a sudden wave of terrible vincibility and dimness of form that would remain so until it later exited the office. “We’ll start our QA testing on the Jack Allison object, immediately sir.”
“See to it.”
Topics Discussed in Today’s episode include: Universal Recap, Bugcon, Starwars and more!
Air Date: 06/28/21 - https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1070244946
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