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Voice #5 - Mustafa: "From Revisionism to Redemption: How I Found My Way Home"
When Mustafa first realized his same-sex attractions weren't going away, he spiraled into self-hatred, shame, and thoughts of suicide. Desperate for relief, he embraced revisionist interpretations of Islam that seemed to permit same-sex relationships. This led to marriage with another man—a decision that initially brought him the love and acceptance he'd been craving.
Yet beneath the surface happiness lurked an inexplicable emptiness. Despite having what appeared to be everything he wanted, something felt profoundly wrong. "I hid the relationship from everyone," Mustafa reveals. "I was living two lives—a world where I was the Muslim son and one where I was the gay Muslim man married to another guy." The theological contradictions he'd noticed in revisionist arguments grew more apparent, and the marriage eventually ended, leaving him spiritually and emotionally adrift.
The turning point came when Mustafa connected with a supportive brother online who encouraged him to pray just two rakats whenever he felt empty. This small act gradually rebuilt his connection with Allah, transforming his understanding of God from a distant, judgmental figure to a loving, present One who "lets me retake the test every day." Through a 12-step program, healthy platonic relationships with other men, and daily spiritual practices, Mustafa discovered how reconnecting with Allah in a deeply personal way can heal the deepest wounds and provide a sense of belonging that no human relationship can match, and how divine love can transform even our darkest moments into opportunities for growth and purpose.
Extra references:
- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episodes on Islamic revisionism (Part I and Part II) with Mobeen Vaid
- Article by Mobeen Vaid "Can Islam Accommodate Homosexual Acts? Qur'anic Revisionism and the Case of Scott Kugle" on Muslim Matters
- Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) official website
- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episode on 12-step programs and sexual recovery programs.
Send as an anonymous one-way text message
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Background music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)
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By Waheed Jensen
5
44 ratings
When Mustafa first realized his same-sex attractions weren't going away, he spiraled into self-hatred, shame, and thoughts of suicide. Desperate for relief, he embraced revisionist interpretations of Islam that seemed to permit same-sex relationships. This led to marriage with another man—a decision that initially brought him the love and acceptance he'd been craving.
Yet beneath the surface happiness lurked an inexplicable emptiness. Despite having what appeared to be everything he wanted, something felt profoundly wrong. "I hid the relationship from everyone," Mustafa reveals. "I was living two lives—a world where I was the Muslim son and one where I was the gay Muslim man married to another guy." The theological contradictions he'd noticed in revisionist arguments grew more apparent, and the marriage eventually ended, leaving him spiritually and emotionally adrift.
The turning point came when Mustafa connected with a supportive brother online who encouraged him to pray just two rakats whenever he felt empty. This small act gradually rebuilt his connection with Allah, transforming his understanding of God from a distant, judgmental figure to a loving, present One who "lets me retake the test every day." Through a 12-step program, healthy platonic relationships with other men, and daily spiritual practices, Mustafa discovered how reconnecting with Allah in a deeply personal way can heal the deepest wounds and provide a sense of belonging that no human relationship can match, and how divine love can transform even our darkest moments into opportunities for growth and purpose.
Extra references:
- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episodes on Islamic revisionism (Part I and Part II) with Mobeen Vaid
- Article by Mobeen Vaid "Can Islam Accommodate Homosexual Acts? Qur'anic Revisionism and the Case of Scott Kugle" on Muslim Matters
- Sexaholics Anonymous (SA) official website
- A Way Beyond the Rainbow episode on 12-step programs and sexual recovery programs.
Send as an anonymous one-way text message
Support the show
"Voices from Beyond the Rainbow" Sign-up Form
Background music for most podcast episodes: "Pandemia" by MaxKoMusic (Creative Commons CC BY-SA 3.0)