Producer/Engineer: Bill Pollock

Editors: Sarah Rendo/Robert J. Baumann

Cover: Rob Mitchell

These spine-tinglers are the outcome of years of research and a lifetime of speculation. It is my personal belief and professional opinion that they are the scariest stories in the history of the world.

Take heed-- these spine-tinglers are full of blood, sweat, tears, hotdogs, hamburgers, circus, horse pelts, rascals, extinct parakeets, Donnie Turtle, cemeteries, grave robbers, ghouls, ghosts, trains, guns, wranglers, bank robbers, mice, baseballs, piglets, architects, activist birders, troll goblins, feathers, boots, calendars, napkins, candles, shitheads, dog murderers, shovel thieves, toasting bread, beekeepers, corn chips, Donnie Turtle, peanut butter genies, betrayal, burritos of redemption, toots, turds, doo-doo boys, and all of the invisible words that you, dear reader, provide between the lines.

 

And so I ask, are you prepared to be mentally jostled? Do you like that stuff?

 

Good. Nay - Great! There’s plenty of it and it’s stacked on pallets eight feet tall and our storage facilities are equipped to ship them out from the spine-tingler warehouse pronto.

 

And spine-tinglers only come in three sizes: grande, muy grande and jumbo grande.

And like I said previously, in the earlier part of this statement, just a few seconds prior to the elusive present, I’ve hounded the earth flat hunting down the marbled slabs of tingle and chipping the spines down to the marrow of their horror I hope you like them, and I know that you’ll like them but if you don’t like them -- that’s okay -- you and your misery will soon be parted -- because these spine-tinglers have been constructed in a fashion akin to church farts, a taboo soon fading from the nostrils and ears but forever wedging themselves between heart and memory.