In this reflective episode, I explore the intricate interplay between personal challenges and the creative process, emphasizing the transformative potential of journaling as a means of self-discovery and emotional healing. Drawing upon the research of Dr. James Pennebaker, I elucidate the therapeutic benefits of expressive writing, particularly in relation to processing difficult experiences. The discussion is enriched by my own narrative of grappling with physical pain and emotional distress, which serves as a backdrop for examining the pursuit of joy and authenticity in our lives. I reference Pema Chödrön's teachings as a source of inspiration, highlighting the importance of leaning into discomfort and vulnerability as pathways to growth. As I navigate the complexities of self-acceptance and the temptation to seek validation, I invite listeners to engage in their own journaling journeys, encouraging them to embrace the messiness of their stories and recognize the profound value that lies in self-reflection and emotional expression. The episode concludes with a commitment to authenticity and a reminder that our collective journeys matter, urging listeners to shine their unique light in the world.

Takeaways:

• Engaging in a structured journaling practice can significantly enhance one's mental and physical well-being, as supported by scientific research.
• The methodology proposed by Dr. Pennebaker emphasizes the importance of expressive writing in processing traumatic experiences effectively.
• I have learned that embracing vulnerability can be a form of strength training, allowing us to navigate our emotions more freely.
• The concept of the 'liminal space' highlights the tension and discomfort that accompany significant personal transformations and change.
• Journaling serves as a powerful tool for self-reflection, fostering deeper self-awareness and emotional processing.
• To cultivate a sustainable journaling practice, it is essential to protect one's writing time and approach it without the pressure of external validation.

Links referenced in this episode:

• https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/a-science-supported-journaling-protocol-to-improve-mental-physical-health
• https://www.dropbox.com/scl/fi/3wsp5wi17iq15qetpffvl/Pennebaker-Beall-1986.pdf?rlkey=y1m2ggmdz9itptomol620fzxs&e=3&dl=0

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• 5Rhythms
• Pema Chödrön
• Dr. James W. Pennebaker
• Huberman Lab

Ps. Show Notes summary, Transcript and Takeaways created with AI

I am calling today’s episode The Strategic Pause.

Or Start Where You Are: Part 2

Or The End of Season One. 

Stay with me, Excellent One. ;)

"Vulva Shots with Alix" is a personal development podcast that focuses on challenging conditioning, examining personal narratives, and developing self-trust.  

The podcast is a platform for me to share my personal journey of doing THE WORK in real time and to TEST my idea, this concept, of leaning into vulnerability as strength training. 

How was this a test?  

Well, I knew I wasn’t alone doing the hard work.  There are a whack of wickedly wonderful humans that I had the privilege of connecting with over the last few years through our coffee roasting business who were also daring into megawatt change.  

What I wondered was could we connect and continue doing THE WORK separate but together through this format?

Yes.  Yes we can.  We are!  

The most recent feedback I received from a stellar human not only made me burst into tears of joy (because this is one way I hope this podcast serves you), it signalled to me that it is time to shift.

 “Last week found me in a bit of a spiral and in some of the more challenging moments, I turned to your podcast for reminders on the small acts we can take to shift the energy and ground ourselves.  Having those cues in my ears helped profoundly. Where I would typically crawl into bed and shut away, becoming consumed by thoughts of shame and guilt, I focused on your words: journey, move, nourish, find your people who dig your stink. 

Thank you 🙏 ✨✨✨

So grateful to be able to press play on your podcast and instantly feeling less alone and emboldened to stay on the hook. 💕”

HOW BADASS IS THIS HUMAN?!  

Not only did they lean into their hard and dare to try something new, against their grain, they generously shared this incredible, thoughtful feedback with me as I also dare forward from my hard and into my potential. 

I AM BLOODY GRATEFUL.

I believe this is how we are better together.  

At some point healing/learning/growth demands we dare forward.  For me, beyond the support of professional therapists and coaches, daring to be the awkward, vulnerable beginner “in front” of others who dare with care too, has been the most inspiring, energizing and effective tactic along this journey.  

And to create the space, the content, the high-vibes to better connect with you and to serve all of us through this podcast demands more of me - clarity, focus, skills development, time and follow-through.  A plan. A map.

Last week I hit the wall.  Starting where I am each week to create episodes takes a tremendous amount of energy.  To create episodes from scratch, record and publish them and then attempt to switch into a productive planning mode is not effective nor is it sustainable for me. 

To serve you well and my purpose for this podcast, wildly running full-tilt boogie without a map, well, I’ve already run that pattern.  It’s time to refine.

Hence, THE STRATEGIC PAUSE

I'll be developing more structured episodes with consistent segments you can reach for when you are going against your grain.  One segment I'm excited to develop is “The Pattern Interrupt” which will give you a specific practice each week to experiment with as we challenge our conditioning and patterns.

I'll be creating more opportunities for us to connect and to lean into vulnerability as strength training together.  

The catch is WE will create these opportunities together. ;)

And I'll be ensuring that the content serves you even more powerfully by building on what we've established so far and by consistently checking in with you along the way. 

I'll be back on MAY 8TH with our Season 2 premiere episode, and I promise it will be worth the wait!

I created a short survey that will take 5-7 minutes-ish to complete, but will profoundly shape what comes next:

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfGGoPM1DW49sQkRzGoblj5yP4ZkIYhxCiiPWy124Th5rNWFg/viewform?usp=header

YOU ARE AMAZING.

Mark May 8th in your calendar now, Excellent One.

Set an alarm, create a reminder, or better yet - share with someone that you'll be listening to Vulva Shots with Alix that day. Let's make a date to reconnect.

SHINE ON,

Alix xxo

"The time to have the map is before you enter the woods." - Brendon Burchard

When I first heard this quote, I burst out laughing.

If I'd waited for the map before daring forward into a new experience, I'd still be camping in the same spot on the edge of the woods.

The challenge, I repeatedly discovered, is not only that we often rely on borrowed maps or that we blindly follow the well-worn paths of those that came before us.

For me, the challenge was that by the time I realized the map wasn't for me, I had no compass of my own to establish my bearings and to uncover my path through the woods.

Hence, I navigated the hard way through many, many thorns.

In real life we all have our own compass - call it intuition, guts, values - but for me, for many of us, we are not taught how to access it, how to develop it and worst of all, many of us are conditioned not to trust it, especially if our compass does not direct us down the paths that we are expected to follow.

This prompt to START WHERE I AM helped me to focus on THE WORK, my work, in the present tense.

I understand where my stories come from, but to heal and grow, to develop and nurture self-trust (my compass), I had to acknowledge these stories and feel the pain I'd swallowed.

As James Baldwin asserted, "Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."

Love your guts.

What we say, how we say it and what we hear all get filtered through the lenses of our stories.  We assume a lot when we communicate.  Clarity is one.

When we are feeling charged, ready to go full-tilt-boogie, whether positively or negatively charged, messages can get lost in transmission and translation. 

We can forget to offer or to seek clarity in these moments.  And sometimes it can feel too damn unsafe or uncomfortable to do so.

To change how I engaged with my family, I had to change how I engaged with myself.

What this meant was that I had to be able to IMAGINE a new way of being.

Before engaging with anyone, I start with myself - what story am I assuming?

Asked from love, assuming the best in myself or in another human, opens up space to clarify, to be curious, to be heard, to connect and to move forward in a good way. 

WHAT DID YOU HEAR ME SAY?

XXO

There is nothing like back to back family gatherings to highlight the “fun” in dysfunctional.

I did not fall back on my new training, but rather my old conditioning.

I fell back on an old rhythm to “rise” for my humans.  

As Gabor Mate explains: “Without knowing it, we often relive the past. What we take for present-day reality represents, in many situations, reactivated early memories stored in the IMPLICIT MEMORY SYSTEM- a vast and infallibly accurate record of past experiences.  

I dropped into survival mode and disconnected from myself and the humans who matter most to me.

“To create safety for their children, parents need to devote energy and commitment to processing their own “unfinished business”.

The consistent daily practice of slowing down to listen, of writing, doing yoga, walking the dogs, boundary setting, of daring myself to do new things and (sporadic) strength training has had the most significant impact not only in my ability to manage my emotions better but in my ability to be present, open, loving, curious and patient with my kids.  And they feel it too.

Creating ease demands more of us. It ain't easy.

But it’s definitely much easier and more fulfilling doing it together.

xxo

Lighting up and listening to that which we've been conditioned to avoid as we heal is not only painful but awkward.

Healing and growth demands a new rhythm, new patterns of response, before we are able to establish a healthy, vibrant and fucking fabulous groove of our own to enjoy and to vibe well with other beauty humans.

Own it. Be awkward, loving and honest with yourself first and then rock your rad moves with your fave humans.

Yum.

Let's get our groove on together. xxo

Doing the work to uncover our stories about who we are meant to be and to unravel those stories, is not light work.

It demands a certain skill set and courage to go against our grain, our conditioning.

Brené Brown's work introduced me to the idea of embracing vulnerability as strength training. The first muscle I started to develop was how to have real, honest, respectful, hard conversations with myself so I would be better able to engage in those conversations with my family, my community and beyond.

Through vulnerability we find the juicy joys of life and we do it better together.

Ultimately, the intention of this podcast is to help me transform my pain into purpose so I don’t blindly pass my pain on to my kids, or to anyone else for that matter. 

What does it actually mean to DO THE WORK?

IN REAL LIFE, we understand that learning, healing are not linear. 

BUT we are CONDITIONED to do all the messy raw and scabby foundational business in private and to only share, cautiously, the glimmers of learning later from our shiny scars.  

Being an emotional human disqualifies many of us from belonging, from participating, it signifies weakness AND YET we are expected to show up as our best out in the world.

In real life, most of us don’t get to take off for months to a retreat to heal with cold dips, hot stone massages and soothing meditations surrounded by experts and gurus.

We do "The Work" and life ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

CHANGING our minds, our stories, our habits is HARD. 

We are better when we do it together. 

It is VITAL for us on our wild rides to connect openly with others who are also living, learning and processing from the raw, the scabs and from the odd glimmer of scars, not only because we feel less alone in our awkward vulnerability but also because connecting puts us on the hook to find the gold and to keep daring forward.

To fail on and shine.

There are times when I am cruising along through my daily rhythm of practicing new habits, feeling strong in my groove with my hot, personal growth muscles poppin’, when it seems like the Universe suddenly grins and says “Hold my beer.”

In this episode l share my "graceful" acceptance of the fact that all the knowledge I consume and the wonderful support surrounding me would not shift my perspectives, my beliefs, without new practices.  I will share the first practices that lit up the darkness for me and revealed it’s not about getting comfortable being uncomfortable; it’s about getting FAMILIAR with our discomfort, our vulnerability, that lights up our stories and a path to our freedom.

These daily practices are my “decoder ring” AND my tools for honouring where I’m at as I author my new story.

They aren’t a switch.  They aren’t a hack.  

They are daily practices of loving badassery that support us as we develop our self-awareness in our efforts to uncover and unravel our conditioning.

And much like exercise training and conditioning, this work doesn’t get comfortable.

Today, the work of becoming familiar with my discomfort is no longer about avoiding shut down, but rather about recognizing what I need in order to honour where I’m at in the new story I’m writing and to continue daring forward.