Waiting 4 Wrath - Episode 259 - The One Where We Learn About Tanzania's League of Steves!

In This Week’s Show, episode 259, the feds arrest bat boy for trafficking pumpkins to Gourds Do Porn.

Now, grab a beer and help us test the god hypothesis — because, while Koji hasn’t struck us down yet, it does make great food!

Shea’s Life Lesson

This week I learned that the human anus can stretch up to seven inches before tearing, also a raccoon can squeeze into holes as small as four inches. Meaning that you can take almost two raccoons up your ass. Just believe in yourself!

Jenn’s Actual Lesson

Enter Stuff Here

But before we get to all that, let’s have a beer!

This Week’s Beer

Elysian Dragonstooth Stout from Elysian Brewing Co.

Donated By: Jaded Zappa

* BA Link: https://www.beeradvocate.com/beer/profile/700/2023/

* BA : 90 out of 100

* Style: English Oatmeal Stout

* ABV: 8.1%

* Aaron: 4

* Shea: 3

* Steve: 4

This Week’s Show

Round Table

Good news, Canadians managed to pull their heads out of their collective asses and avoid an Orange Is The New Brexit moment by narrowly reallecting a leader capable of complete sentences… in two languages even!

Beer delivery from listener Travis

Join us on Patreon for Shea’s great story about sucking off a pumpkin… or something like that. You can get it, and extended versions of every show for as little as a buck a show. Plus, you’ll get episodes of our second show 4 More Beers, recorded live, for free! http://patreon.com/w4w

Patreon Story

Bloodermelon!

The most metal of fruits is a tie between the bloodermelon and the blumpkin… wait I think that's something else. The bloodkin! For those outside of the know these names refer to watermelons and pumpkins that have turned. Not in a rotten sort of way either, but in the undead now vampire ways!

The origins of vampiric pumpkins and watermelons date back to legends and myths passed down among the Gypsies of southeastern Europe and were documented by Tatomir Vukanovic in the 1930s about his travels in Serbia. He wrote several years later in the Journal of the Gypsy Lore Society:

"The belief in vampires of plant origin occurs among Gs. [Gypsies] who belong to the Mosl. faith in KM [Kosovo-Metohija]. According to them there are only two plants which are regarded as likely to turn into vampires: pumpkins of every kind and water-melons. And the change takes place when they are 'fighting one another.'"

Yes you heard right, fighting each other… one can only ponder on what that would look like. There are also more theories from Vukanovic.

"In Podrima and Prizrenski Podgor they consider this transformation occurs if these vegetables have been kept for more than ten days: then the gathered pumpkins stir all by themselves and make a sound like 'brrrl, brrrl, brrrl!' and begin to shake themselves. It is also believed that sometimes a trace of blood can be seen on the pumpkin, and the Gs. then say it has become a vampire. These pumpkins and melons go round the houses, stables, and rooms at night, all by themselves, and do harm to people. But it is thought that they cannot do great damage to folk, so people are not very afraid of this kind of vampire.

Among the Mosl. Gs. in the village of Pirani it is believed that if pumpkins are kept after Christmas they turn into vampires, while the Lešani Gs. think that this phenomenon occurs if a pumpkin used as a syphon, when ripe and dry, stays unopened for three years."

Vukanovic doesn't go into may details on how the veg attack but I'm thinking pumpkin head but with watermelons too. If you do find yourself surrounded by carnivorous melons and gourds don't fret,