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Walter the Postman and the Walnuts of Weight
Please vote for “A Bedtime Story” for Volume One’s Best Local Podcast!
Visit the “A Bedtime Story” show website to submit your story ideas for a future episode!
Walter was a dedicated postal worker with a great sense of duty. He handled all the special deliveries for the forest creatures: birthday acorns for the badgers, tiny spectacles for the moles, and urgent messages for the owls. Walter was excellent at his job, except for one thing: he absolutely loathed squirrels. He found them too jittery, too chatty, and far too likely to steal his pen.
One chilly autumn morning, Walter was handed a velvet pouch marked "URGENT: Royal Walnuts." The recipient was the most high-energy, demanding squirrel in the entire forest: Mr. Silas Scamper.
Walter groaned. "Must it be Silas? He always asks me how many paper clips I have in my pocket!"
His supervisor, Mrs. Quince the quail, reminded him sternly, "Duty calls, Walter. These walnuts are essential."
Walter trudged through the woods until he reached Silas’s massive, complex nest. He knocked on the tiny acorn door.
Silas Scamper burst out of the nest, a blur of gray fur and twitching whiskers. "The walnuts! You have the walnuts! Quick, tell me, Postman Walter, what is the square root of 81 and are you wearing that sweater ironically?"
Walter held up the velvet pouch stiffly. "Here is your delivery, Mr. Scamper. Please sign here."
Silas snatched the pouch, signed his name with a flourish using his tail, and then his eyes widened in horror. "Oh no! They're the wrong walnuts! These are Royal Walnuts! I need the Majestic Walnuts!"
"What is the difference?" Walter asked, frustrated.
Silas whimpered. "The Majestic Walnuts are exactly 12.4% heavier! If I bury these Royal ones, the gravitational pull will be off, and my nut-map will be inaccurate! It will cause a disaster in my winter planning!"
Walter sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "So, you need the heavier walnuts."
"Yes! Please, Postman Walter, can you hold these Royal Walnuts and run around the nest six times? The friction from your velocity might simulate the necessary extra weight!" Silas pleaded, hopping wildly.
Walter looked at the absurd request. He hated squirrels, but he was a man of duty. He took the pouch, ran around the nest six times, sweating and grumbling. He handed the now slightly warmer walnuts back to Silas.
Silas weighed them carefully on a tiny scale made of moss. "Perfect! Just the right amount of artificially generated mass! Thank you, Walter! You are a true professional!" Silas gave Walter a tiny, perfectly polished pebble as a tip. Walter felt a faint, reluctant fondness for the utterly ridiculous creature. Maybe squirrels weren't so bad, especially when they were busy worrying about the gravitational pull of nuts.
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By Matthew MitchellPlease vote for “A Bedtime Story” for Volume One’s Best Local Podcast!
Visit the “A Bedtime Story” show website to submit your story ideas for a future episode!
Walter was a dedicated postal worker with a great sense of duty. He handled all the special deliveries for the forest creatures: birthday acorns for the badgers, tiny spectacles for the moles, and urgent messages for the owls. Walter was excellent at his job, except for one thing: he absolutely loathed squirrels. He found them too jittery, too chatty, and far too likely to steal his pen.
One chilly autumn morning, Walter was handed a velvet pouch marked "URGENT: Royal Walnuts." The recipient was the most high-energy, demanding squirrel in the entire forest: Mr. Silas Scamper.
Walter groaned. "Must it be Silas? He always asks me how many paper clips I have in my pocket!"
His supervisor, Mrs. Quince the quail, reminded him sternly, "Duty calls, Walter. These walnuts are essential."
Walter trudged through the woods until he reached Silas’s massive, complex nest. He knocked on the tiny acorn door.
Silas Scamper burst out of the nest, a blur of gray fur and twitching whiskers. "The walnuts! You have the walnuts! Quick, tell me, Postman Walter, what is the square root of 81 and are you wearing that sweater ironically?"
Walter held up the velvet pouch stiffly. "Here is your delivery, Mr. Scamper. Please sign here."
Silas snatched the pouch, signed his name with a flourish using his tail, and then his eyes widened in horror. "Oh no! They're the wrong walnuts! These are Royal Walnuts! I need the Majestic Walnuts!"
"What is the difference?" Walter asked, frustrated.
Silas whimpered. "The Majestic Walnuts are exactly 12.4% heavier! If I bury these Royal ones, the gravitational pull will be off, and my nut-map will be inaccurate! It will cause a disaster in my winter planning!"
Walter sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "So, you need the heavier walnuts."
"Yes! Please, Postman Walter, can you hold these Royal Walnuts and run around the nest six times? The friction from your velocity might simulate the necessary extra weight!" Silas pleaded, hopping wildly.
Walter looked at the absurd request. He hated squirrels, but he was a man of duty. He took the pouch, ran around the nest six times, sweating and grumbling. He handed the now slightly warmer walnuts back to Silas.
Silas weighed them carefully on a tiny scale made of moss. "Perfect! Just the right amount of artificially generated mass! Thank you, Walter! You are a true professional!" Silas gave Walter a tiny, perfectly polished pebble as a tip. Walter felt a faint, reluctant fondness for the utterly ridiculous creature. Maybe squirrels weren't so bad, especially when they were busy worrying about the gravitational pull of nuts.