There’s work, home, and loneliness, but maybe a third place can be the place of hope. Let’s make one together.

I’m looking for a third place, and I think you might be too. It’s a place where I feel that I belong and there is no pressure to perform, to do, or to be someone for someone else. Where I can come and go, people know me, respect and love me, and I can do the same for them.

Would you like a place like that?

So what’s a ‘Third place.’

To define a ‘third place,’ perhaps we need to know what a ‘first’ and ‘second’ place is.

Ray Oldenburg was an American urban sociologist who wrote about spaces where people would gather.

The First place was the home. This is where you live and the people you live with – spouse, children, in-laws.

It’s where you rest your head at night. Your place of residence and the relationships – good or bad- that exist there. For the most part, you can’t get away from these relationships. You will probably be with them for a long time. They know you and you know them.

The second place is your place of work.

The relationships you have are because you go there for a common purpose – to work. Outside of this place, you might not normally have a relationship with these people. You probably spend most of your awake time in this place.

A Third place is where you relax in public and where you see familiar faces and make new acquaintances.

Typically Third places have these qualities.

1. Neutral ground
   

If you have a place that you go to that offers all of those nine qualities then you are truly blessed.

Every sitcom typically has a third place. It’s where everybody knows your name as the T.V. show Cheers sings out.

Sometimes you wanna go

Place is important because it can be a container for the types of relationships it offers.

I don’t see third places mentioned specifically in the Bible.

Perhaps it might have been well from which people drew their water. A common meeting place. Certainly, Jesus had a good conversation with a woman there.

Maybe it was the gateway to the city or village. That was a place where you went to discuss and talk with others about the topics of the day. Prov 1:21; 31:23; cf. Ruth 4:11; Job 29:7

Possibly the early Christian church was a kind of third place. People meet in small groups, share a meal, talk about faith, and hold hope. Good conversations flowed. No hierarchy, and no demands to perform. Taking a walk and discovering Jesus walking alongside.

I long for that kind of place.

But I’m finding it hard to find a place where all of the nine requirements of a third place can be found.

I had dinner with some neighbors a few weeks ago that came close. Much banter, openness, and laughter were had. Would I go deep with them? Maybe if I got to know them more and felt safe with them.

I was recently asked why men don’t go to counseling. I wrote a post giving 10 reasons why, but maybe under all of those reasons is a feeling that it just feels like work and yet another place to potentially fail.

I believe that both men and women want a place where they are welcomed, warts and all, and know they are being listened to.

A place where maybe a few others who have ‘been there, done that’ can come alongside and walk with us through the tough times. A place where they are known, held, and loved.

I recently shared with a couple of friends that I would like to start a group called Stray Dogs.

It would be a kind of place, where stray dogs like myself who need a place to connect would meet and wag our tails at each other in delight. No sniffing of butts though 😉.

I’ve seen third places develop around a craft or hobby. It could be meeting somewhere to make cards,  brew beer, tell stories, write stories, build a canoe, grow vegetables, etc.

The outcome is not the finished product, it’s more the intangible quality of the relationships grown in this place. A place where everybody knows your name and possibly the story within the limp you have.

And please don’t call it ‘church’ because that loaded term may just destroy the qualities of the early church – love, friendship, generosity, and hope.

• To say “I am going to church” both reveals and promotes bad theology.  Marva J. Dawn

1. Where do ‘Third places’ exist in your community?

Barry Pearman

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash

Read this further here