“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

—Viktor Frankl

In the autobiographical Man’s Search for Meaning, Austrian psychiatrist, neurologist and philosopher Viktor Frankl describes his experiences as a World War II concentration camp internee. Frankl shares excruciating details of how he persevered and remained mentally strong — and motivated to survive — despite having to endure unthinkable horrors as a camp prisoner.

Choice, Free Will, and Control

Among the many important lessons he instills, Frankl’s beliefs about choice and free will evoke Stoic tenets we’ve discussed before. One of Stoicism’s most basic charges is that we separate that which we can control from that which we can not. Frankl, despite his experiences of daily suffering and torture, physically, mentally, and spiritually, was able to maintain his zest for life and retain his ability to think freely.

Where Frankl was unable to change his circumstances, and though physically a prisoner, he clung to his internal freedom and perspective. Frankl chose to find meaning in his existence and suffering, and he developed a certain attitude of acceptance. Of course, he did not give up hope for survival, and from there he incredibly figured out his own way of making it through each day.

In many aspects, Frankl approached his dire situation as perhaps a Stoic would have. Once he accepted and faced the reality of his circumstance, Frankl was able to adopt a certain indifference and resilience that propelled him forward. An essential step in his struggle to survive was a degree of accepting that which he couldn’t change. That, in part, gave him an almost superhuman hope so many around him — understandably so — had lost.

Thoughts for Negotiators

In your typical negotiation, you won’t be facing life-and-death circumstances like Frankl was as a concentration camp inmate. However, we can learn from Frankl on so many levels.

First, it’s always important to know what’s possible and negotiable — for you and for your counterpart — and what’s simply unchangeable. That is, you must identify what you can control.

Additionally, good negotiators know that they’re most effective when able to think clearly and free of provocation. When you feel yourself tempted to bark back at an angry counterpart, no matter what that person says or does, you have the power to choose a different response.

It’s never easy to resist or respond calmly in the face of someone or something that generates a strong emotional reaction. Unfortunately, we rarely make our best decisions under duress or reacting in haste. Exercising patience, judgement, and restraint is often not the path of least resistance.

It’s a natural tendency to react under negotiation pressure and either give in to frustration or respond reflexively. Nonetheless, that response is yours to make, and you alone control which path you choose.

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