We Are Our Own Lovers

This episode of We Are Our Own Lovers focuses on queering sex inside ourselves. Here, Kelsey talks about how their definition of sex has evolved over the last 15 years. Starting with the books, essays, & people who have directly impacted their evolution them moving into several queer experiences that have caused them to open up their definition even further. Warning: if you’re looking for something risqué, this isn’t it. For a podcast about sex this is much more conceptual than explicit, which for Kelsey is the only place to begin. Mentioned resources recommended to explore further: Uses of the Erotic (essay) by Audre Lorde, anything by sex educator Ericka Hart, concepts of deconstruction within Queer theory, & consent practices as explored by intersectional feminist scholars.

This episode of We Are Our own Lovers explores the relationships we hold with adults or elders inside ourselves. After being invited by their partner to consider what an Ideal Inner Elder could be like, Kelsey talks through the blocks they know that keep them hesitant to form authentic connections with elders and what their inner children & younger parts would need from an adult they could trust. Including the requirement of allowing for disappointment and finding a deeper way of understanding what this feeling could show us.

Welcome back to We Are Our Own Lovers! This episode Kelsey talks a bit about their experience in the last 3 years and states what she’s wanting to explore in this space this time around. Plus, there’s a live quiz!! Note: there’s a break in the show notes between the quiz itself and the answers you will get your results from just so you’re not distracted by numbers. 😆

A Parts Puzzle: Who in you do you need to meet?

1. What part of you do you notice most often? a. Your inner child b. Your sexual self c. Your creative parts d. Your inner critic e. Your social self

2. When that part (what you chose in question 1) is loud, I need: a. Eroticism b. Time alone c. Tenderness d. Control e. Attention

3. If I’m not caring for that part, I tend to find myself in situations where… a. I am shut down with fear b. I am seeking out misaligned connection c. I am settling for discomfort but familiarity d. I am causing trouble e. I am intensely emotional

4. I trust this part to show me: a. My inner world b. My power c. My fears d. My truth e. My depths

5. What experience do you least identify with: a. The charming seducer b. The domineering authority c. The rebellious lone wolf d. The eager attention seeker e. The cold social-climbing elitist

6. Which are you most attracted to: a. The charming seducer b. The domineering authority c. The rebellious lone wolf d. The eager attention seeker e. The cold social-climbing elitist

7. I feel most intimidated by someone who is… a. The life of the party b. The celebrated up & coming artist c. The opinionated judge d. The sensual flirt e. The deep-feeling intuitive

8. Choose one: a. Light yellow b. Deep crimson c. Bright orange d. Soothing lilac e. Natural turquoise

Intermission: This link is to Rianne Becraft’s genius reel talked about in the results section regarding shame. It makes Kelsey laugh so much. Please check it out if you are a Schitt’s Creek lover.

https://www.instagram.com/reel/CnA2GwIoFog/?igshid=Zjc2ZTc4Nzk=

Scoring section (at 21:02 to listen) include all numbers connected to the letter you chose:

1. a.0b.0c.0d.0e.0

2. a.2,3b.1,3c.1,4d.2,4e.2,1,5

3. a.1,4,5b.1,2,5c.5,4,1d.1,2,3e.1,3,4

4. a.1,3b.2,4,5c.1,4,5d.1,3,4e.1,2,3

5. a.4b.1c.5d.3e.2

6. a.2b.4c.3d.1e.5

7. a.5b.3c.4d.2e.1

8. a.5b.2c.4d.1e.3

Results are found from the number(s) you chose most often.

Results begin in the recording at: 27:23

In this episode of We Are Our Own Lovers, Kelsey explores some foundational beliefs of whiteness inside them and the ways their whiteness has impacted relationships throughout their life, both with BIPOC folx and white people as well. By identifying the fucked up strategies of whiteness in ourselves (specifically in white ppl), we can continue to make room for active long term commitment to the work of antiracism and Black liberation.

This is a list of folks on instragram who regularly blown Kelsey’s mind and call them deeper into thieir own antiracism/anti-ws work:

@ihartericka

@sonyareneetaylor

@brandonkgood

@ijeomaoluo

@amandaseales

@pinkopalmagic

@tourmaliiine

@mynameisjessamyn

@prentis.h

@the.mirror

For resources on particular topics/concepts discussed in this episode, please DM Kelsey on insta @the.feral.unfolding

In this episode of We Are Our Own Lovers, special guest Brady shares their wisdom and insight. Talking tools of self-lovering, Brady and Kelsey discuss falling in love with themselves through astrology, attachment styles, tarot, animal culture, gender, and more! Update: Since this recording, some incidents of Brady plagiarizing the work of folks of color have been called out inside the astrology communities they had been connected to. Kelsey is unsure of what accountability is being taken in connection to these harms and is unable to speak to anything beyond this information.

In this episode of We Are Our Own Lovers, Kelsey gets playful and deep with the topic of longing. How we feel it, what it’s made of and the alchemy we can create when we let it have its way with us. Pictures and tarot spread available on Instagram @the.feral.unfolding

In this episode of We Are Our Own Lovers, Kelsey talks about owning our power through self-acceptance with special guest Charlie Claire Burgess (they/them). Charlie is a queer and non-binary artist, writer, teacher, creator, and witch. Their tarot deck, Fifth Spirit Tarot, is a queer and inclusive deck for a world beyond binaries! Its’s amazing!! Charlie is also the host of The Word Witch podcast and the author of two tarot zines. They teach tarot at Portland Community College and offer distance tarot readings online.

Website: www.TheWordWitchTarot.com

Deck: www.FifthSpiritTarot.com

Instagram: @the.word.witch

In this episode of We Are Our Own Lovers, Kelsey dives into what it means to be feral, how this specific kind of wild was created in us, and how it connects to being our own lover. [Activation warning: discussion of racism innate in terms “shadow/darkness”.] There’s also the bonus segment “what Kelsey learned last week”, which includes reflections on being a beginner, shifting stories, and a somewhat rambling short list of Kelsey’s identities. Let’s get feral, Lovers. 🖤

In this episode, Kelsey talks about what it can mean to be your own lover. They explore ideas of how we commit to ourselves and what this podcast will play with in future episodes. They also talk about what lead them to make We Are Our Own Lovers and their journey to this moment over the last year and a half.

Mentioned creators: Quavin from ElementsAndAlchemy.com and Amanda from UnseenHandsHealing.com. Check then out on Instagram too! ❤️❤️❤️