We Have A Problem

Why do we chase people who can't give us what we need? Why do we abandon ourselves just to be chosen? And why do some of us mistake people-pleasing, fixing, and sacrificing our own happiness for love?

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with bestselling author, relationship expert, and life coach Lisa A. Romano for an eye-opening conversation about love, codependency, childhood conditioning, emotional avoidance, and the relationship patterns that keep us stuck.

We explore why intelligent, successful people can lose themselves in relationships, how our childhood experiences influence the partners we choose, and why the need to feel chosen can become more powerful than our own emotional well-being.

Lisa explains the difference between supporting someone and trying to fix them, why people-pleasing can actually prevent genuine intimacy, and how self-abandonment often disguises itself as being a loving partner.

We also tackle avoidant behavior, the fear of rejection, setting boundaries without guilt, and why understanding our unhealthy patterns doesn't always mean we've learned how to change them.

And perhaps most importantly, we ask: What does healthy love actually look like when you're no longer trying to earn it?

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why we confuse codependency with love
• How childhood conditioning shapes adult relationships
• Why we desperately want to be chosen
• The difference between healthy love and self-abandonment
• Why people-pleasing isn't always kindness
• Understanding emotionally avoidant partners
• Why we chase people who cannot meet our emotional needs
• How to stop measuring your worth by someone else's ability to love you
• The difference between supporting someone and trying to fix them
• Why setting boundaries can trigger guilt and fear
• How to recognize when you're losing yourself in a relationship
• Why knowing your patterns isn't the same as breaking them
• What healthy, secure love actually looks like
• How to stop trying to earn the love you deserve

Maybe the problem isn't that we're incapable of finding love. Maybe it's that we've misunderstood what love is supposed to feel like.

We Have A Problem... So, let's talk about it.

ABOUT LISA A. ROMANO

Lisa A. Romano is a bestselling author, life coach, and educator known for her work on codependency recovery, childhood emotional neglect, narcissistic relationship dynamics, self-worth, and emotional healing.

Through her books, coaching programs, and Above the Veil Method, Lisa helps people recognize subconscious patterns, develop healthier boundaries, and build relationships rooted in self-awareness rather than fear.

CONNECT WITH LISA A. ROMANO

Website: https://www.lisaaromano.com/

Instagram: @lisaaromano

YouTube: Lisa A. Romano

TikTok: @lisaaromano

Facebook: Lisa A. Romano

WE HAVE A PROBLEM

No outrage. No echo chambers. Just thoughtful conversations about the problems worth solving.

Website: https://wehaveaproblempodcast.com/

We Have A Problem... So, let's talk about it.

#LisaARomano #Codependency #HealthyRelationships

Why do people cheat—even when they claim to love the person they're betraying? And why is it sometimes so difficult to walk away after infidelity?

Cheaters always seem to have an excuse. They weren't happy. They weren't getting enough attention. Something was missing in the relationship. But what's really driving their behavior?

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn Easton welcomes back Sven Erlandson, author, spiritual counselor, and creator of Badass Counseling, to discuss his new bestselling book, Cheating Sucks!, and the complicated psychology of infidelity, betrayal, and healing.

Sven breaks down the excuses cheaters use, why some people continually chase the next emotional or sexual high, and how the need for attention, validation, and affection can become an endless cycle. We explore his concept of the "love cup" and why some people keep looking to others to fill something they haven't addressed within themselves.

But this conversation isn't just about the person who cheats. It's also about the person left picking up the pieces.

Why do some people blame themselves after being cheated on? Why do others desperately try to save the relationship? And why can the fear of losing someone become more powerful than the pain of betrayal?

Drawing on the themes in Cheating Sucks!, Sven explains how childhood experiences, unresolved emotional wounds, and deeply rooted beliefs can shape our responses to infidelity—and why healing yourself before making major decisions about your relationship can be so important.

We also discuss responsibility, accountability, rebuilding self-worth, and what it takes to move forward after someone has broken your trust.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why people cheat, even when they say they're in love

• The excuses cheaters use to justify infidelity

• Why some cheaters continually chase the next high

• The need for attention, validation, and a full "love cup"

• How childhood experiences shape our responses to betrayal

• Why being cheated on can trigger old emotional wounds

• Why the betrayed partner sometimes blames themselves

• Why healing before deciding whether to stay or leave matters

• Taking responsibility versus making excuses

• Rebuilding self-worth and trust after infidelity

• Understanding patterns that keep us in unhealthy relationships

• How to move forward after betrayal

Cheating is a choice. But healing from betrayal is a process—and understanding yourself may be the most important part of deciding what comes next.

ABOUT SVEN ERLANDSON

Sven Erlandson is an author, spiritual counselor, and the creator of Badass Counseling. His work explores emotional healing, childhood conditioning, relationships, personal accountability, and breaking destructive patterns.

His new bestselling book, Cheating Sucks!, examines the psychology of infidelity, the excuses people use to justify cheating, and the difficult process of healing after betrayal.

CONNECT WITH SVEN ERLANDSON

Website: https://www.badasscounseling.com/

Get his new book, Cheating Sucks!: https://www.badasscounseling.com/books

Instagram: @BadassCounseling

TikTok: @BadassCounseling

YouTube: @BadassCounseling

Podcast: The Badass Counseling Show

WE HAVE A PROBLEM

No outrage. No echo chambers. Just thoughtful conversations about the problems worth solving.

We Have A Problem... So, let's talk about it.

#Infidelity #WhyPeopleCheat #CheatingSucks

What if everything we've been told about men isn't actually true?

Society has plenty to say about men. They're obsessed with sex. They avoid commitment. They don't care about relationships. They won't speak up when another man behaves badly.

But what if many of these stereotypes don't reflect what men actually believe or want?

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with social psychologist, researcher, and educator Dr. Alan Berkowitz to challenge some of our most deeply held assumptions about men, masculinity, sexuality, and human behavior.

Drawing on decades of research and educational work with men, Dr. Berkowitz explores the disconnect between what men privately believe and what they assume other men believe. For example, his work challenges the stereotype that men universally prioritize casual sex over meaningful, committed relationships.

We explore how social norms and peer expectations shape behavior, why men sometimes go along with things they don't actually agree with, and how mistaken assumptions about masculinity can influence everything from sexual relationships to bystander intervention.

We also discuss Dr. Berkowitz's work with the U.S. Army, his workshops with men, and what he's learned about teaching responsibility, accountability, and the courage to intervene when something isn't right.

And we tackle a bigger question: Are we hurting boys and men by constantly telling them what NOT to do instead of teaching them what TO do?

As conversations about masculinity continue to evolve, are we helping men become better—or reinforcing the very stereotypes we're trying to change?

IN THIS EPISODE:

• What research reveals about what men actually want in relationships
• Why stereotypes about male sexuality can be misleading
• How men misjudge what other men believe
• The psychology of social norms and peer pressure
• Why men sometimes behave differently in groups
• How expectations about masculinity influence sexual behavior
• Why good men sometimes remain silent when something is wrong
• The importance of bystander intervention
• What Dr. Berkowitz learned through his work with the U.S. Army
• His research and educational workshops with men
• Teaching responsibility and accountability without shame
• Why focusing exclusively on negative male behavior may backfire
• How society's expectations of men are changing
• What we should be teaching boys and young men instead

What if changing the way men behave starts with changing what we tell them about themselves?

We Have A Problem... So, let's talk about it.

ABOUT DR. ALAN BERKOWITZ

Dr. Alan Berkowitz is a social psychologist, researcher, author, and educator whose work focuses on social norms, sexual assault prevention, bystander intervention, and engaging men in creating healthier communities. He has spent decades developing research-informed prevention programs and working with universities, military organizations, and communities to promote responsibility, accountability, and positive behavioral change.

CONNECT WITH DR. ALAN BERKOWITZ

Website: https://www.alanberkowitz.com/

We talk about sexual consent as though it's simple. But what happens when alcohol, drugs, social pressure, and human behavior complicate everything?

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with Dr. Kristen Jozkowski to explore one of the most important—and misunderstood—topics in human sexuality: sexual consent.

What does consent actually look like in real life? How do we communicate willingness, hesitation, or discomfort? And how accurately do we interpret what another person is trying to tell us?

Drawing on her research into sexual consent, human sexuality, social norms, and group behavior, Dr. Jozkowski explains why the conversation is often much more complicated than a simple yes or no.

We explore how alcohol and drugs can impair judgment, communication, and decision-making, how social expectations shape sexual interactions, and why people sometimes go along with situations they privately feel uncomfortable about.

We also examine the psychology of groupthink and bystander behavior. Why do people stay silent when something doesn't feel right? How much does the behavior of the people around us influence what we consider normal? And can we learn to recognize when it's time to intervene?

This isn't about making excuses for harmful behavior or suggesting consent doesn't matter. It's about understanding the complexities of human behavior so we can communicate more clearly, make better decisions, and look out for one another.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• Why sexual consent is more complicated than we think
• How people communicate and interpret sexual willingness
• What Dr. Jozkowski's research reveals about consent
• How alcohol and drugs affect judgment and decision-making
• The role of social pressure in sexual encounters
• How groupthink influences individual behavior
• Why people sometimes remain silent when something feels wrong
• The psychology of bystander behavior
• How our assumptions about what others believe shape our actions
• What we misunderstand about human sexuality
• How to encourage better communication and safer social environments
• What research can teach us about making better decisions

We have plenty of opinions about sex and consent. But how much do we actually understand about the way people behave?

We Have A Problem... So, let's talk about it.

Dr. Kristen Jozkowski is the William L. Yarber Endowed Professor in Sexual Health at Indiana University and a senior scientist at the Kinsey Institute. Her research examines sexual consent and refusal communication, the influence of alcohol and social norms, and sexual violence prevention.

CONNECT WITH DR. KRISTEN JOZKOWSKI

Website / Faculty Profile:

https://kinseyinstitute.org/about/staff/jozkowski-kristen.html

Indiana University Research Profile:

https://publichealth.indiana.edu/about/directory/Kristen-Jozkowski-knjozkow.html

Email: [email protected]

What does America look like through the eyes of someone who wasn’t born here—but desperately wanted to live here?

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with her friend Anneke to talk about her journey from South Africa to the United States—and why living in America has given her a very different perspective on the country many Americans take for granted.

Anneke shares what it was like growing up in South Africa, from experiencing violence and concerns about safety to the everyday differences Americans may never think twice about—from the availability of restaurants and services to the ability to build the kind of life you want.

Then we talk about America.

What does the American Dream look like to someone who actually immigrated here in search of it? Does the idea that you can work hard and create a better life still exist? What opportunities do Americans have that can be easy to overlook simply because we've always had them?

Anneke shares why she believes America offers greater opportunity, why she feels safer here, and what it means to live somewhere where she can vote, volunteer, access healthcare and actively participate in the community around her.

We also have an honest conversation about the opportunities she felt were limited in South Africa, what she misses about the country she came from, and what Americans misunderstand about life there.

And perhaps most importantly, we ask a question we don't hear very often:

What do immigrants who chose America wish Americans appreciated about their own country?

IN THIS EPISODE:

• What it was like growing up in South Africa

• Anneke's experiences with violence and safety

• Why she dreamed of living in America

• The everyday conveniences Americans rarely think about

• Why opportunity feels different in the United States

• What the American Dream looks like from an immigrant's perspective

• Whether hard work can still change your life in America

• The ability to vote and participate in your community

• Safety and quality of life

• Healthcare in America versus Anneke's experience in South Africa

• Why volunteering and community involvement stood out to her

• What she believes Americans take for granted

• What she loves and misses about South Africa

• The opportunities she believes she gained by moving to the United States

• Whether the American Dream is still alive

America isn't perfect. But sometimes it takes someone who had to fight to get here to remind us what we have.

We Have A Problem... So, let's talk about it.

What if some of the things affecting your health aren't in your diet, your medicine cabinet, or your workout routine—but inside your house?

We spend much of our lives indoors, surrounded by mattresses, furniture, paint, plastics, artificial lighting, fragrances, cleaning products, and the air we breathe and water we drink. But how often do we actually think about what those environments are doing to us?

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with Carrie Denning Jackson, founder of Place as Medicine, to explore the overlooked relationship between our homes, our neighborhoods, and our health.

Carrie has spent her career thinking about the places where people live and work—and how the materials, design, air, water, light, nature, and even people around us can influence our well-being.

And creating a healthier home doesn't necessarily mean ripping everything out and starting over.

Carrie walks through the everyday things worth paying attention to—from the mattress you sleep on and the paint on your walls to indoor air quality, drinking water, plastics, candles, fragrance, lighting, and the materials we bring into our homes.

But this conversation goes beyond toxins.

We also explore why access to nature matters, why knowing your neighbors may be more important to your health than you realize, and why creating a healthy home is about more than simply removing things—it's about creating an environment that helps the people inside it thrive.

IN THIS EPISODE:

• What your home may be exposing you to every day

• Why indoor air quality matters

• What to consider when buying a mattress

• What may be hiding in furniture, fabrics, and household materials

• Why water quality deserves more attention

• Plastics in the home—and realistic ways to reduce them

• What to know about candles, fragrance, and scented products

• Why the type of paint and building materials we use matters

• How artificial lighting can affect the body's natural rhythms

• Why opening your windows and getting outside still matters

• How to prioritize changes if you can't afford to overhaul your home

• Why healthier homes shouldn't only be accessible to wealthy people

• How our neighborhoods influence our health

• Why knowing your neighbors and having real community matters

• How nature, movement, and social connection fit into the idea of "Place as Medicine"

We spend enormous amounts of time thinking about what we put into our bodies.

Maybe it's time we start paying attention to what we're putting our bodies into.

We Have A Problem... So, let's talk about it.

ABOUT CARRIE DENNING JACKSON

Carrie Denning Jackson is the founder of Place as Medicine, an organization focused on understanding and improving how the places where we live, work, and learn affect human health.

Her career has spanned urban innovation, real estate, sustainability, and the built environment, including work with IBM Smarter Cities, Sidewalk Labs, Google's urban innovation company, and Jamestown. She holds bachelor's, master's, and MBA degrees from Stanford University.

CONNECT WITH CARRIE & PLACE AS MEDICINE

Website: PlaceAsMedicine.com

Instagram: @placeasmedicine

Why can anxiety make you feel like something is terribly wrong—even when you know you're safe? And why do some people panic while others completely shut down?

Your nervous system is designed to protect you. But when it becomes chronically dysregulated, that protective system can leave you feeling anxious, overwhelmed, disconnected, frozen or stuck in survival mode.

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with Logan Barone to unpack what nervous-system dysregulation actually is, why our bodies respond the way they do, and what it takes to move out of chronic patterns of anxiety and shutdown.

Rather than simply trying to eliminate uncomfortable feelings, Logan explains why avoidance can keep us trapped in the very patterns we're trying to escape—and why getting to the root of what's happening may require learning how to experience discomfort differently.

They talk about what the nervous system was actually designed to do, how it learns what is safe and what is threatening, and how we can begin changing the patterns that keep our bodies sounding the alarm.

In this episode:

• What nervous-system dysregulation actually means
• Why the nervous system creates anxiety in the first place
• Fight, flight, freeze and shutdown—and why different people respond differently
• What it feels like when your body gets stuck in survival mode
• Why trying to avoid anxiety can sometimes reinforce it
• The difference between managing symptoms and addressing what's underneath them
• How past experiences can shape what your nervous system perceives as threatening
• What to do when you feel yourself beginning to shut down
• How to work with anxiety instead of constantly fighting it
• How the nervous system learns safety
• What healing and regulation can actually look like
• Why the goal isn't to never feel anxious again

Your nervous system isn't designed to make you comfortable all the time. It's designed to keep you alive.

The question is what happens when that alarm system starts going off when you're no longer in danger—and how do you teach it something new?

• Instagram: @loganbarone7
• TikTok: @loganbarone
• YouTube: @LoganBarone
• Website: loganbarone.com

Logan helps people address subconscious identity patterns involving fear and limitation, and he offers a Nervous System Freedom course focused on nervous-system regulation and conditioning.

We Have A Problem... So, let's talk about it.

…until the pain gets bad enough.

What if the voice running your life isn’t actually yours?

From childhood, we are conditioned on who we’re supposed to be, what makes us worthy, what we should fear, and what we need to do to be loved. Over time, those messages can become the voices in our heads—and eventually, we let those voices run our lives... often without knowing it.

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with counselor and best-selling author Sven Erlandson for a candid conversation about why so many people remain unhappy, even when, from the outside, their lives seem perfectly fine.

Sven believes unresolved pain doesn’t simply disappear. We carry old wounds, shame, anger, fear, and conditioning forward—and they quietly influence our relationships, choices, self-worth, and the stories we tell ourselves.

But he also rejects the idea that healing needs to become a lifelong project.

Sven explains his approach to getting the old “crud” out, why brutally honest journaling can expose what’s actually happening beneath the surface, and why he believes people can make profound changes much faster than they think.

They also tackle one of Sven’s more uncomfortable ideas: sometimes the pain has to become bad enough before we’re finally willing to change.

• Why people stay unhappy—even when life looks good on paper
• How childhood conditioning becomes the voice in your head
• Why old wounds continue influencing adult relationships and choices
• The point when emotional pain finally becomes enough to force change
• Why we resist confronting the things we know are hurting us
• Sven’s approach to brutally honest journaling
• How to get the anger, shame, fear, and old “crud” out
• Why healing doesn’t necessarily need to take years
• The difference between healing and making healing your identity
• How to stop endlessly analyzing your past and start living your life

Why do we cling to patterns that make us miserable? How do you distinguish your own voice from the conditioning you’ve accumulated since childhood? Do we need to endlessly analyze our wounds—or can we actually deal with them and move forward?

And what happens when you finally stop running from the things you don’t want to feel?

This isn’t about spending the rest of your life “working on yourself.”

It’s about understanding what’s running your life, dealing with what needs to be dealt with—and getting on with living.

Sven Erlandson has spent more than three decades counseling people through relationships, emotional pain, personal growth, and major life change. He is a bestselling author, podcast host and the founder of Badass Counseling.

Known for his direct, results-driven approach, Sven challenges the idea that meaningful personal transformation has to take years. Through counseling, courses, books, his podcast, and more than 2,000 free videos across social media, his work focuses on helping people confront what’s actually holding them back and move forward.

Website: www.badasscounseling.com

TikTok: @BadassCounseling

Instagram: @BadassCounseling

You Don’t Want to Heal | Sven Erlandson

For generations, endless orange groves stretched across the state, Florida supplied much of America’s citrus, and a glass of orange juice was as much a symbol of the Sunshine State as beaches and palm trees.

Today, much of that industry has disappeared.

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with filmmaker and Park Vibes host Dan Fletcher to uncover what happened to one of Florida’s most iconic industries.

Dan recently traveled through Central Florida for his mini-documentary How One Bug Ended Florida Citrus, documenting abandoned groves, struggling growers and the researchers racing to save what remains of Florida citrus.

At the center of the collapse is HLB—better known as citrus greening—an incurable disease spread by a tiny insect called the Asian citrus psyllid. Since the disease arrived in Florida, citrus production has plummeted, groves that once dominated the landscape have disappeared, and land that once grew oranges has increasingly given way to something very different.

So how did one tiny bug help bring an agricultural powerhouse to its knees?

Kaylyn and Dan talk about the rise and fall of Florida citrus, why HLB has been so difficult to stop, what happened to the growers caught in the middle, the role hurricanes and development have played, what scientists are trying now—and whether Florida orange juice can actually make a comeback.

They also explore a bigger question behind Dan’s work: what happens when something so deeply connected to a place quietly disappears before most of us realize we’re losing it?

Florida hasn’t completely lost its orange juice.

But the Florida citrus industry Americans grew up with is almost unrecognizable.

So, let’s talk about it.

Dan Fletcher is the host and creator behind Park Vibes, a documentary series exploring the hidden stories behind America’s parks, wildlife, public lands and natural places. Through on-location reporting and storytelling, Park Vibes examines how history, science, conservation and human decisions have shaped some of the places and landscapes Americans often take for granted.

YouTube: Park Vibes

Website: ParkVibes.com

Watch Dan’s original mini-documentary: How One Bug Ended Florida Citrus

• How Florida became an American citrus powerhouse

• What happened to Florida’s orange groves

• What HLB, or citrus greening, actually is

• How the Asian citrus psyllid spreads the disease

• Why scientists haven’t been able to stop it

• What Dan discovered while filming in Florida

• The farmers and communities affected by the citrus collapse

• Hurricanes, development and disappearing groves

• Why Florida orange production has fallen so dramatically

• The research underway to save citrus

• Whether Florida’s orange industry can recover

• What the disappearance of citrus tells us about the future of American agriculture

Relationship coach Jake Maddock thinks so.

In this episode of We Have A Problem, Kaylyn sits down with Jake for a candid conversation about modern dating, attraction, relationships, and the ways men and women may be unintentionally sabotaging their own love lives.

From masculine and feminine energy to communication, courtship, attraction and intimacy, Jake has built his coaching philosophy around what he calls a “10/10 relationship.” And some of his opinions about what men and women actually want from each other might challenge the way you think about dating.

We get into what men misunderstand about women, what women misunderstand about men, why dating has become so complicated, the behaviors that kill attraction, and what actually changes when you stop approaching relationships like a battle between the sexes.

We also challenge Jake on some of his more controversial takes—because relationships are complicated, people are different, and there probably isn’t one formula that works for everyone.

Are modern dating habits helping us find better relationships—or are we getting in our own way?

So, let’s talk about it.

Jake Maddock is an Australian relationship and dating coach and the founder of Maddock Coaching. His work focuses on helping singles and couples create what he calls a “10/10 relationship,” built around five core areas: masculine and feminine energy, attraction, intimacy, courtship and communication. He is also the author of How To Achieve A 10/10 Relationship and shares relationship and dating advice with a large online audience.

Instagram: @jake.maddock

TikTok: @coachjakemaddock

YouTube: @JakeMaddockCoaching

Website: Maddock Coaching

• Why modern dating feels so difficult

• What men and women misunderstand about each other

• Masculine vs. feminine energy

• Attraction—and what kills it

• Dating expectations and courtship

• Communication between men and women

• Intimacy and long-term relationships

• Why good relationships sometimes go wrong

• Jake’s “10/10 relationship” philosophy

• Whether there really is a formula for finding lasting love