they're almost like spent nuclear reactors so new trading ensures one can operate in this society so if I was to new trait myself all right now I'm taking nutrition vitamins as well as medication and I'm working the system now i'm thinking if i wasn't working in the system I'd have a better chance of getting off this bit of medication that I'm on maybe I wouldn't need it to numb me out then maybe stuff would come through me and I would be able to process it and move on and I could keep taking the vitamins maybe the vitamins would keep me in this perception of reality or maybe I would go up into a different perception of reality but I would be ok because I'm not working the system or maybe if I went off with vitamins I would go into that different perception and it could be that i already am in the perception but i don't really feel it because i'm taking the vitamins or i go into that different perception and I spend all my internal resources of those vitamins and then I need to replenish and that's when I sort of fall back down and it could be a vitamin thing it could be like a nutrient thing or it could just be an energetic thing it could just be that all that extra energy comes in and sort of blows out the nervous system and it needs to recuperate so it could just be a nervous system thing and not necessarily anything to do with the molecules and stop it's hard to say i'm wondering what it is but to me it seems like there could be ways to actually modulate this even if i went on say EMP which is true hopes product and it kept me quote unquote normal and say i was in a place in my life where you know i had the resources to keep myself alive and well and safe and all that and decided and I decided to go off the EMP in order to go into that consciousness on purpose and then come down and come back and take it again it might be a way to modulate sort of the gas pedal and the gears and who it is that I want to be animating this physical structure that I appeared be that's something to working in the system is like I need to be my ego self more and it's interacting in ways that people are experiencing me as this ego self and and that structure is very loose so it can easily fall apart and maybe I fall apart not because my now because I fall apart but this ego structure falls apart because it's being broken up and torn to pieces by just being in the system and working in it and I've said before that the universe is trying to animate us in a certain way why is it not sustainable to be animated in that way to be so happy almost needs to be safe space to be that happy things like clowning random acts of kindness improv those are all excuses to be that happy I was also thinking again about becoming a DJ or music producer because it would be an excuse to be really happy and attempt to celebrate with people in a way that is just celebration it's not oh I'm trying to fix you even that meditation I have by that master guy he at the end of it it's a dancing celebration and he says gather energy to live this to be this to be that celebration of life on a daily basis he wasn't saying you know just sit there and stare at wall and it was supposed to be done daily so a person goes out and about in one's daily life as that celebration and it's difficult to be that way working in the mental health system to be animated in that way takes strength and agility it's trying to restore us to our strengths and our agility it takes strength and agility to serve the universe if I wasn't on medication I probably wouldn't be able to work in the system at all and if i wasn't working in the system what would I create I'd probably be recaptured by the mental health system instead of raptured by the universe and that's one of the reasons I'm working in the system because I could again be captured by the system so I attempt to make it better but the other way is to create my own thing and to try create people taking e CPR that would be a different system it's