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I saw the news stories from last week where NASA announced that there is an asteroid coming through the galaxy toward Earth. NASA tweeted out that the asteroid is about the size of an Olympic-sized swimming pool and that there is a 1-in-560 chance it hits the planet. And if it does hit, it will be right around Valentine’s Day 2046.

My first reaction was that my wife and I have been together for 25 years now and I am running out of ideas for Valentine’s Day, so I was ecstatic that I could probably skip at least that year. (Just kidding.)

My second reaction was about five minutes of complete fear. The odds are very slim (1-in-560) in the grand scheme of things. But I did start to think about some of the things that only happen once every 560 days or so in my life. Such as: coming out and the car doesn’t start, or a road that I use is closed because a tree is down, or the power goes out all night, and on and on. The fear side of my brain can go alllllllll day on stuff like that. In all seriousness, 1-in-560 is highly unlikely… but we have all had stuff that is a 1-in-560 chance of happening actually happen in life. Sooooo…

My third reaction is my most important reaction. We’re not going to be struck by an asteroid on Valentine’s Day 2046. I feel pretty safe saying that. And even if it does happen, what am I going to do? Start building an underground bunker? Construct a cannon to shoot at the asteroid as it plummets to Earth? Watch Armageddon to strategize?

Stuff like this is really interesting to me, because it is 100 percent, without question, out of my control, and those things help me to remember that most of life is actually completely out of my control. It gets hard to remember that when you get sober and stay sober for awhile, because good things start to happen. But there are sooo many things beyond me! World wars, cancer, solar flares, lightning strikes, tornadoes, climate change, a tree falling on my house, sinkholes, tidal waves, Valentine’s Day asteroids… I mean, I can keep going but that seems like a scary enough list.

I’ve had moments like this, where you feel existential fear and confusion and sadness and anger about something that is deeply bothersome. I was in New York City near the Empire State Building on Sept. 11, and I’ll never forget how drunk I got that night. I just wanted to be numb because I couldn’t process how the world had changed that day. In sobriety, there have been a few moments when it seemed like war was inevitable and that can be a little overwhelming. I’ve seen people in sobriety who seem like their recovery is threatened because of political elections, or the various debt ceiling debacles we’ve had over the years, or countless other things. I’ve been sober long enough now that there have been a few significant economic downturns where people—me included—start panicking about the state of the world. It’s heavy stuff.

Then there is the next level of stuff, like your job or raising kids. Even if you’re really good at your job… do you actually have control over whether you get laid off, or the business goes under, or another business takes over your company? Usually, the answer is no. Even if you’re the CEO of a company, there’s a lot that is beyond how far your arms can reach.

And then with something like raising kids, I’ve learned the hard way that you do the best you can and you have to trust the universe. Will my kids inherit my addiction issues? Will some other kid talk to them about sex or drugs or Santa Claus before they’re ready? Will they end up with good husbands or wives or want to stay single or find a good job where they’re treated right? You can go on and on and on, and the answer remains, you’re responsible for the effort, not the outcome.

So after I read about the possibility of a Valentine’s Day asteroid wiping out the world, I went from laughing to being scared to laughing again, and it’s because there is something incredibly beautiful about the vastness of the world and its unpredictability. I have found that once I accept that almost everything is out of my control, there is a sense of relief. I feel like that weight is off my back, and it’s on me to try to get better at trusting the universe.

And my other thought was just to stay present, and to plan a helluva good Valentine’s Day 2045, the year before the asteroid hits!

This newsletter is a place of joy and laughter about the deadly serious business of sobriety. So, as I will often do, let me close with a joke:

HEARD AT MEETINGS....

An AA member described a distinguished, heavy-drinking military friend as "standing at the bar, head and shoulders above the crowd, fearing nothing but closing time."

(Credit: AA Grapevine, December 2005, by Anonymous)

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