In a week where we decided that being medieval wasn’t simply good enough for the levels of inenquality within our beloved country that we also decided to declare war on Spain, the Team is here to trigger the fiftieth article that is the world of football.

Simon Paddy Patterson is back after many years of wandering in the wilderness. Although in this case, the wilderness consists of a squash courts and the wandering consists of exceptional footwork. He’s not watched a football match since he was last on so it could get interesting.

Speaking of hypotheticals, we’re introducing a new format into our opening segment of the show. It’s called What If and allows the Team to narrate an alternative history of football. We ask: what if the Eva Carneiro incident never happened.

Paddy is Organising Fun this week. We’ve decided to take a break from really easy quizzes that the Team members perform badly in, calling into question our ability to appear on football podcasts. Instead we’re crowbarring in a popular game show format by making it footbally. For copyright reasons, we have decided we can’t make any reference to this quiz. Instead, we’re calling it: Only a Sixty Second Period.

Jon Mackenzie is also here. That’s because he has nowhere else to go.

All this and more beside in this week’s edition of A Team of John O’Sheas...