What is Linguistics Good For, Anyway?; An Advice Column by Jonathan “Crazy Ivan” van der Meer; From Volume CLV, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2009. — The most commonly asked question of a linguist, when one’s secret is revealed, is (all together now!): “How many languages do you speak?” I’ve decided that a good answer to this question is π. More than three, less than four—though if you discover that your interlocutor is singularly unsophisticated or otherwise from Kansas, you can call it three to keep things simple. (Read by David J. Peterson.)