First let’s look at typical advice people give about dealing with bullies.

It’s great to know how to reframe advice to make it work for you.

Here’s how you’ll be advised to do by a simple internet search:

1. Tell a trusted adult. ...
2. Ignore the bully and walk away. ...
3. Walk tall and hold your head high. ...
4. Don't get physical. ...
5. Try to talk to the bully. ...
6. Practice confidence. ...
7. Talk about it. ...
8. Find your (true) friends.

All good advice, but only if you reframe it to your best advantage. Here’s how:

1. Tell a trusted adult—telling a trusted adult is great for support and ideas, but they cannot face the bully for you.
2. Ignore the bully and walk away—this means ignore what the bully wants you to do, what they shame or scare you into, and do some small thing that shows you don’t give a rip, then walk off in a mic drop fashion
3. Walk tall and hold your head high—this means be your true self without hesitation or apology when they question you, which always happens, so you have to be ready.
4. Don’t get physical—recognize a turn to physical violence as a move toward criminal behavior vs just a power hungry bullying. Never engage in physical defense unless you have no other choice to protect yourself. If someone strikes you, engage as little as possible to get away from them. Do not initiate physical violence.
5. Try to talk to the bully—Yeah, fine as long as you speak the bully’s language.
6. Practice confidence—confidence is keeping your expression aligned to your emotions. If you act like you’re fine, but you feel sad, disappointed, frustrated or angry, people sense the mismatch.
7. Talk about it—Sure talk/listen about the topic of bullying personally and generally, but watch what you say to yourself in your head. Watch that you don’t give the bully added power in your own mind by describing them as more scary or terrible than they actually are.
8. Find your true friends—yes, but remember to also let your true friends find you by openly sharing who you really are. Look around at others to find what you truly like about them. Remember people like being liked. Those who like the most people are popular by default.

The name of the episode is what to do and what not to do. What you don’t do matters most.

You must stop these three things today:

Being interesting to the bully. Fighting and reacting is the stress. Instead do a blank face. Nothing. Accept that they are a jerk, who deserves nothing for it. Give them nothing.

Changing for the bully. Avoiding the bully in any way comes out of stress and reinforces your anxiety. Instead face them with the courage to stick to your own plans whether it’s the way you walk to class, the styles you wear, the friends you choose.

Caring about what happens. When you care, you freeze. You have to decide to stop caring.

It really is simple to stop caring, but that doesn’t make it easy. You will only feel the ease once you fully commit.

People are afraid to unfreeze, to stop bracing, because they think holding on is what’s holding them together or keeping them from falling. A tight grip only keeps the tension alive. Let go and you’ll float not fall. Release the tension, pressure, and rise up.

It’s going to be scary at first because you aren’t used to it, but the worst you’ve imagined is not real. The only way to find this out for yourself is to stop caring and see what happens.