July 14, 2025

What you love is what you serve.... uh oh!

7 minutes

Garth Heckman

The David Alliance

[email protected]

What do you love the most?

A certain type of food? Your spouses hips or lips?

Your job? The money you make? Your biceps? Your ministry? Your 1953 corvette? Your brand-new Mercedes? Your girlfriend? Alcohol? Drugs? Your phone?

Or maybe it is far worse than that? Maybe you are in love with…. Thats where we are going today!

What are you in love with… a lot of answers come to mind… but I believe they all stem from one basic foundation. We love to be approved by others. We love others approval. And we are willing to do just about anything to get it.

The approval of other people is so important to most because it's deeply rooted in fundamental human psychological and evolutionary needs. Here's a breakdown of the key reasons:

1. Evolutionary and Survival Instincts:

Historical Necessity: For much of human history, belonging to a group or tribe was essential for survival. Being accepted meant access to resources, protection from threats, and the ability to find a mate and raise offspring. Rejection from the group could be a death sentence. This deep-seated fear of rejection and need for acceptance has been passed down through generations.

Social Connection: Humans are inherently social creatures. Our brains are wired for connection, and social interaction plays a crucial role in our well-being. Approval from others reinforces our sense of belonging and validates our place within a community.

2. Psychological Needs:

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: The need for belongingness and love, and then esteem, are fundamental human needs in Maslow's hierarchy, ranking above basic physiological and safety needs. Approval from others contributes directly to these levels, making us feel loved, accepted, and valued.

Self-Esteem and Self-Worth: For many, external validation acts as a mirror, reflecting back a sense of their own worth. When we receive approval, compliments, or praise, it can boost our confidence and reaffirm our abilities. Conversely, a lack of approval or criticism can lead to feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem.

Fear of Rejection and Judgment: This is a powerful motivator. Many people seek approval to avoid the pain of being rejected, criticized, or judged. This fear can stem from childhood experiences where acceptance felt conditional.

Dopamine Release: Receiving external validation, like likes on social media or compliments, can trigger the release of dopamine, a "feel-good" neurotransmitter in the brain. This creates a temporary sense of pleasure and satisfaction, which can lead to a desire to repeat behaviors that elicit this response.

Social Comparison: We often compare ourselves to others to gauge our own performance, appearance, and social standing. Seeking approval can be a way to ensure we measure up favorably in these comparisons.

3. Childhood Experiences:

Early Conditioning: Our early experiences, particularly with caregivers, heavily influence our need for approval. Children who receive consistent approval and validation tend to develop a stronger internal sense of self-worth. Those who experience neglect, criticism, or conditional acceptance may grow up with a persistent need for external validation.

Learning Behavior: As children, we naturally look to our parents for recognition and validation when we accomplish something. This teaches us that external feedback is a way to understand if we've done "a good thing."

4. Societal and Cultural Factors:

Social Norms: Society often has unspoken rules and expectations. Conforming to these norms can lead to increased social acceptance. Deviating from them can result in social exclusion.

Social Media: The digital age has intensified the pursuit of approval. Platforms that revolve around "likes," "shares," and comments provide constant opportunities for external validation, which can become addictive and lead to an unhealthy reliance on others' opinions for self-worth.

Botton line is this - you seek peoples approval because you don’t know you you have Gods approval.

Look one of my favorite memories is competing as a powerlifter and pulling 670 in Masters division one - it was a grind… drug free, no suit, just me and the iron - and when I was done I had Donnie Thompson who was at the judges table taking numbers call me over and tell me that it was a great lift. Donnie thompson is on the mount Rushmore of powerlifters. The first one ever to hit a 3000 pound total. When he says Great lift - it doens’t really matter what anyone else thinks. He is the king of powerlifting. Well we serve another king who is the King of the world, the universe… and when we know we have his approval - nothing else matters.

Galatians 1:10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant.

OOOHhhhh this is sooo good. Did you catch it? You serve the one who’s approval you seek. So whomever you are hoping to be approved by - you will do whatever it takes to show them you are their servant. The world loves suckers like you.

I live my life on one simple rule… If I know my relationship with God is good… then I don’t give two cats meows about what anyone else thinks about me, what I do, what I say, where I go, what I believe in, what I stand for or what I preach or post on social media. I don’t care - because God approves of me.

How do you know God approves of you? Well you don’t earn it. You don’t have to be special, you don’t have to be good enough… you simply trust in his grace and his work on the cross. And here is the real secret, when you know you have Gods approval, you are free to be exactly who he created you to be.

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By Garth Heckman

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