What's a Man? Masculinity in India

In this final episode, Episode 14, of What’s a Man: Masculinity in India, Dr Deepa Narayan describes how listening to middle-class men and boys about masculinity and their secret selves, led her to the need for a renewed feminism. 

These men and boys believe in gender equality but are stuck in old definitions of masculinity as dominance, aggression, and total self-reliance. And most don’t feel understood or appreciated. And they hide their pain, sadness, hurt, disappointment, and struggles. They withdraw. Or it turns to violence targeted at others and themselves. And men acknowledge their privilege.

FeminismX is a renewed feminism for men to claim their full humanity as men. FeminismX includes men and all genders in its definition. It is intersectional. It centers on love as well as power.

It means a big change for our gender equality and women’s empowerment strategies.

Feminism is such an abused, misused, much-maligned word that even women use with caution. In episode 13 of What's A Man? Masculinity in India podcast, Dr. Deepa Narayan speaks to Dr. Sonora Jha, author of How To Raise A Feminist Son. Dr. Sonora Jha grew up and worked in India as a journalist and is a Professor at Seattle University in the US. Together they turn to the idea of feminism and explore what it means for men and whether it is possible or even desirable to raise feminist boys? And can feminism liberate men from the poisons of toxic masculinity?

Many men have changed who they are, what and how they do their lives. In Episode 12 of What's A Man? Masculinity in India podcast, Dr. Deepa Narayan interviews Nikhil Talreja, a writer, producer, storyteller, teacher, public speaker, mental health advocate, and CEO of YUVA.  Nikhil peaked early at 29 and then had a nervous breakdown. His life changed when he turned to a therapist for help. He realized the core problem was his unquestioned acceptance of “masculinity”. He now creates safe spaces to listen to other young people across genders freeing them to change.

Many men have changed who they are, what and how they do with their lives. In Episode 11 of What's A Man? Masculinity in India podcast, Dr. Deepa Narayan interviews Manak Matiyaani, a feminist, queer activist, and the executive director of the YP Foundation in Delhi. He facilitates youth leadership for social change. Deepa and Manak discuss his mother’s early influence on his feminism and how he works with young men on sexuality and feminist leadership.

Why is it that not a single straight man of the 250 men we interviewed, chose love as part of their definition of masculinity and being a man? Is it possible for educated men to unlearn behaviors of toxic masculinity and become fuller versions of themselves? In this episode, we focus on our first Portrait of A Man, men who have the courage to change. 

Our man of courage is Abish Mathew, the hugely popular comedian, and YouTuber. In conversation with Dr. Deepa Narayan, Abish shares his fears and confusions, how he is fighting off some toxic expectations imposed on him in his early training, and how he is changing himself, one behavior at a time. We weave these issues together as they manifest in one unique imperfect human being. Tune into episode 10 to find out how this one man is breaking through the privileges and traps of stereotypical masculinity. 

Instead of breaking down their own gender stereotypes, schools cement gender stereotyping of boys. Yet we have ignored the role of schools.  In Episode 9 of What's A Man? Masculinity in India podcast, Dr. Deepa Narayan focuses on stereotypes that constrain, confine, and cement boys into narrow choking definitions of masculinity. Listen to Rohini Nilekani, a philanthropist, who supports boys and men’s programs; to Akshat Singhal co-founder of Gender Lab that runs gender awareness programs for boys and 3 boys who participated in this program.

Are CEOs afraid of love? Can love and power co-exist in the workplace? In Episode 8 of What's A Man? Masculinity in India podcast, Dr. Deepa Narayan argues that it takes both power and love for people and productivity to thrive. She discusses different forms of power and why men are afraid of love, which is seen as womanly. This episode features Devraj Sanyal, Managing Editor, and CEO of Universal Music group and EMI Music, also dubbed the Heavy Metal CEO. They explore his version of love and power in the workplace.

Men are caught between changing gender norms and their unchanging expectations of being the primary provider for the family. In Episode 7 of What’s A Man? Masculinity in India podcast, based on 250 interviews, Dr. Deepa Narayan explores men’s ups and downs as providers: the pressures, the power, the price men pay, the ruptures, and the raptures. Our special guests are Akshat Harbola, who started Spotify in India; Akshay, a senior manager who lost his job in the pandemic; and Parmesh Shahani, head of the Godrej India Culture Lab.

Sons don't need gods as fathers; sons need fathers, as fathers. In Episode 6, Dr. Deepa Narayan explores the relationship, expectations, and love connection between fathers and sons. Conversations with over 250 young boys and men from middle and upper-class families establish that fathers are boys’ first heroes. Fathers are more comfortable exerting power over their boys than showing love. To help us decode men’s relationships with their fathers, she turns to Dr. Harish Shetty, a leading psychiatrist in India, and Dr. Ashis Roy, a psychoanalyst at Ambedkar University in Delhi. Over and over, what emerges is that universal longing to be loved by fathers, to be accepted and cherished through the ups and downs of life, failures, disappointments, and struggles.

Emotional literacy for men is not a luxury but a necessity for a peaceful world. In this episode, Dr. Deepa Narayan asks whether today’s younger generation of men is able to identify and express a range of emotions, including sadness, grief, hurt, and disappointment. Conversations with over 250 young boys and men from middle and upper-class families establish that while young men know it is important to be emotionally expressive, they are unable to do so. Their training still teaches them that ‘real men’ are invincible and do not show their emotions - except anger. To help us understand, our special guests are Dr. Ashis Roy, a psychoanalyst, and Neville Shah, a comedian.