What’s in the water? Everything. None of it good. The store is open — grab your “F*ck You, So What?” mug while the oceans die. This week: microplastics in your balls, ICE detaining a woman who was literally already leaving, TSA working for free because daddy said no, and the diesel supply quietly circling the drain. Also Bucks County Pennsylvania is absolutely cooked and Dingo has been eating the same dinner for years. No notes. Things are bleak. Buy a shirt.