“Fortune falls heavy on those for whom she’s unexpected. The one always on the lookout easily endures.”

—Seneca

You’ve all read those notices on the back of 18-wheelers reminding us, “If you can’t see my mirrors, I can’t see you.” In other words: Get out of my blind spot!

Our cars have rearview and sideview mirrors, of course, so we can see what’s next to and behind us on the road. Newer cars offer blind spot warning systems, using radar or cameras to monitor the sides and rears of our vehicles and indicate when other cars or objects are near. You might notice a light on your mirror or a “beeping” sound when someone or something lurks close by.

What’s the purpose of these blind spot warning systems? Of course, they’re there because, even if we adjust our mirrors just so, we can’t always visualize absolutely everything around us.

In other words, we all have blind spots. We can’t trust everything we see, and we can’t rely only upon what we see.

This “blind spot” analogy is relevant in conflict resolution. We all have individual preferences, backgrounds, and cognitive biases that shape our perspectives and opinions. Each of us has a unique life experience and accompanying lens through which to view the world.

To untangle a dispute, it can be helpful to try to understand the other side of the coin. Why? Because, just like our rearview mirror systems, our points of view are susceptible to missing information. Maybe we’re not getting the whole picture, or perhaps we can’t see it from where we sit. (You see heads, the other person sees tails, and you’re both right — you’re looking at the same thing, but from opposite sides.)

As a mediator, I spend a lot of time with disputing parties helping them realize they have blind spots. Think of me as those warning lights on the side of your mirrors.

You’re saying you’ll win in court if this case goes to trial instead of settling, but are you 100% sure of that? Or could you be missing something? Are you seeing the whole picture, or just what your mirrors are showing you? Similarly, what might your counterpart be overlooking that you could highlight or help explain? Can you trip the other person’s blind spot warning system?

Mediation — a structured negotiation process — gives parties a formal opportunity to turn their heads and actually check their blind spots. You can check your blind spots in everyday conversations, though, too.

Say you’re having a disagreement with a spouse or family member, or with someone at work. What parts of your position — and the other person’s — depend on subjectivity and guesswork? Are you arguing about facts or opinions? What facts might you be missing, and which of your opinions are reasonably debatable?

There’s not always something in your blind spot, but you have to check to be sure. And if something is there, wouldn’t you be better off knowing?

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