To join our community and be part of the conversation:

Behind The Mask-ulinity Private Facebook Group

To message me directly:

E-Mail Me: [email protected] or Instagram Me

You hear the argument quite a bit these days:

"Masculinity is not toxic! What's so toxic about being a man?! We can't teach our little boys that being a man is wrong!"

I hear you, and I don't disagree with you. There is nothing wrong with being masculine or being a man, nothing at all. What's wrong about providing for your family? What's wrong with protecting your family? What's wrong with being tough, brave and figuring stuff out on your own without any help? Nothing. Could we come up with a better term? Probably.

I believe the interpretation of "toxic masculinity" is what is a bit skewed. Those who speak up about it aren't saying that masculinity as a whole is bad... at least I hope they're not. What they are arguing is that teaching our young boys that this is the ONLY way to be a real man is detrimental to their emotional health. By burdening them with these essentially unattainable expectations, we fill them with the sense that if they fall short of our expectations of what a man should be then they're not good enough to call themselves men.

Telling someone they're not good enough just the way they are can do nothing but harm.

Masculinity is not toxic, even females embody some masculine traits... and men embody some female traits. Surprise!

What is toxic is imposing our will and expectations on these young men and sticking them in these "man boxes" that hinder their true growth rather than promote it.