Everyone knows the best place to find a wife is at church. And if you want to supercharge your dating life, you’ve gotta find one with a singles ministry. After all, why else would a singles ministry exist?

I remember being young and unmarried. I had no purpose in life. Nothing driving me upward towards a higher goal. Yes, I was carefree, but I was also aimless. That all changed when an older woman in my church pinched my cheek and said, “Bless your heart, when are you gonna get married?” She was right. I was getting old.

That one moment changed everything. I immediately begin preparing myself for my mate. I started exercising. I tried talking to girls. I even memorized 1 Corinthians 13.

Unfortunately, at fourteen, I was too young to join our church’s singles group. I might have found a wife sooner if I had. But no worries, when all else fails, there was always Bible College. Bible College is the Christian version of Tinder Platinum minus the premarital sex. Usually.

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Why can’t we stop harassing the singles?

Now, I’m not saying there aren’t many singles that need some holy prodding. I am a strong advocate of marriage and generally think most people should work hard, marry young, have lots of babies, and live an ordinary life to the glory of God and the well-being of their souls. But, on the whole, our posture towards singles needs some serious reframing.

To be fair, you singles don’t have the best representatives.

You know Carl. Carl wears a fedora. He has a neckbeard that extends down to his belly button, like an unkept grassy airstrip in the middle of the Amazon. The only time he ever has an interaction with the other sex is when he pauses his World of Warcraft quest to yell at his mom for more cheeseballs. Carl would never do the extra work to make himself more attractive to the opposite sex.

How about Alexa? She’s a boss babe who hustles more than a squeegee-Latino during rush hour. She’s looking to influence the world, build her brand, and provide herself stability before she ever considers a family. But one look at her designer clothes and Louis Vuitton bag lets you know that influence, brand, and stability are her euphemisms for power, fame, and fortune.

Or consider Jack and Jill. There is so much sexual tension between them, but it would never work out because Jill is a feminist who hates men yet still sleeps with a different one every few weeks, while Jack believes the socioeconomic framework of marriage unjustly benefits women and should therefore be abolished in favor of a harem-style arrangement that benefits Jack. Jack and Jill are weird. Don’t be like Jack or Jill. You might break your crown and tumble off a hill.

No, this article is not about those singles. It’s about the good ones. Those singles who love Christ and serve quietly. They bear their loneliness without turning it into some sort of public cross. And yet, the Church often treats these beautiful souls as secondary citizens, as if they are leftover Ikea furniture no one ever got around to assembling.

Singleness is not a waiting room for those poor, unfortunate souls eager for their name to be called. No, singleness is the ultimate state of all Christians.

Nor is singleness a product of the fall. But, let’s not pretend that loneliness is God’s intention for the final state, “It is not good that man should be alone.” God gave Eve to Adam. Marriage is good, true, and beautiful. Eve is the answer to Adam’s solitude. Marriage is honorable.

But loneliness is not the same as singleness. We must hold Scripture in balance with itself. Christ refers to the goodness of a singleness that is purposed towards the kingdom, “There are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.”

Nor is Christ the only one who speaks about the benefits of a singleness that is focused on God. St. Paul also writes,

“I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband.”

— 1 Corinthians 7:32-34

St. Paul is not anti-marriage. He is saying that Christ’s coming has radically transformed our present age. The kingdom of God has entered the world, and in anticipation of that kingdom, a singleness that is focused on pursuing God is better than marriage insofar as it allows an undivided devotion to the Lord.

Marriage was God’s first answer to loneliness. Then Jesus came, God with us. When we see God, we will no longer be lonely. In the resurrection, marriage is not abolished because love dies. Rather, marriage fades as loneliness dies. Something greater than marriage is already here and will be finally consummated when Christ comes again to receive his bride, when all will be single yet lonely no more.

“For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels in heaven.”

— Matthew 22:30

The single is a reminder of our ultimate state, in which we will be satisfied with no one other than God alone. It is not good that man should be alone, so God gave us himself. When we stand before God, there will be no more marriage, for we will no longer be alone.

Singleness is a remembrance, yes, in its frequent solitude, to a time before marriage. But it is also a sign, a reminder of what is to come, when we shall be so wholly satisfied with God that no other will do. A single man or woman living their life fully devoted to God, longing to fill their loneliness with the presence of their Savior, is an immense gift to the Church that a married couple, with all their unique riches, cannot provide.

The Church should treat faithful singles with dignity, not as unfinished Christians we should foist up to the altar. They are performing a ministry that the married cannot. The married display Christ’s covenant love for his bride. The faithful single displays the age to come when God will be all in all.

“Virginity has brought from heaven that which it may imitate on earth. And not unfittingly has she sought her manner of life from heaven, who has found for herself a Spouse in heaven. She, passing beyond the clouds, air, angels, and stars, has found the Word of God in the very bosom of the Father, and has drawn Him into herself with her whole heart. For who having found so great a Good would forsake it?… And indeed what I have said is not my own, since they who marry not nor are given in marriage are as the angels in heaven. Let us not, then, be surprised if they are compared to the angels who are joined to the Lord of angels. Who, then, can deny that this mode of life has its source in heaven…”

— St. Ambrose of Milan

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