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When Avoidance Feels Like Control: Understanding the Avoidant Attachment Style
Episode Summary:
In this episode of Rewired for Love, host JaCarie Owens breaks down avoidant attachment, the misunderstood attachment style that often hides behind independence, emotional control, and “I’m fine” energy. JaCarie explores how avoidance is not coldness or a lack of need, but the management of need, shaped by early experiences where support felt unreliable, and vulnerability did not feel safe.
Drawing from The Pain We Carry by Natalie G., this episode highlights how complex trauma, generational survival patterns, and racialized stress can lead to emotional numbness, self-reliance, and shutdown as protection.
Listeners will learn how avoidant attachment shows up in relationships, what avoidant partners often feel but do not say, and practical steps to heal by increasing emotional capacity, reconnecting with the body, and releasing shame around needing others.
Key Takeaways:
Avoidant attachment is not the absence of need, it is the management of need.
Many avoidant patterns come from early emotional neglect, dismissal, or inconsistency.
Avoidance often looks like independence, but it is usually protection.
Trauma often teaches disconnection from self before disconnection from others.
Many people in marginalized communities learn adaptive emotional distancing for survival.
Reflection and Practices from the Episode:
Reconnecting with the body through grounding and noticing shutdown cues.
Allowing micro moments of vulnerability rather than emotional overexposure.
Practicing naming emotions instead of disappearing emotionally.
Challenging shame beliefs such as “I should not need anyone”.
Visualizing and supporting the younger self who learned to stay strong and self-contained.
Connect With Us:
Write to Us: [email protected]
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/RewiredForLovePodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RewiredForLovePodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rewiredforlovepodcast
Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome and episode introduction
01:10 What avoidant attachment really is and why it gets misunderstood
03:30 How complex trauma shapes emotional shutdown and hyper independence
06:15 Example story: Marcus and what avoidant attachment looks like in adulthood
09:00 What avoidant partners often feel but rarely say
10:00 Healing steps: body reconnection, micro vulnerability, releasing shame
13:00 Guided reflection and inner child practice
15:00 Closing thoughts and next episode invitation
Music Credits: Music by FASSounds from Pixabay
View all episodes
By JaCarie OwensEpisode Summary:
In this episode of Rewired for Love, host JaCarie Owens breaks down avoidant attachment, the misunderstood attachment style that often hides behind independence, emotional control, and “I’m fine” energy. JaCarie explores how avoidance is not coldness or a lack of need, but the management of need, shaped by early experiences where support felt unreliable, and vulnerability did not feel safe.
Drawing from The Pain We Carry by Natalie G., this episode highlights how complex trauma, generational survival patterns, and racialized stress can lead to emotional numbness, self-reliance, and shutdown as protection.
Listeners will learn how avoidant attachment shows up in relationships, what avoidant partners often feel but do not say, and practical steps to heal by increasing emotional capacity, reconnecting with the body, and releasing shame around needing others.
Key Takeaways:
Avoidant attachment is not the absence of need, it is the management of need.
Many avoidant patterns come from early emotional neglect, dismissal, or inconsistency.
Avoidance often looks like independence, but it is usually protection.
Trauma often teaches disconnection from self before disconnection from others.
Many people in marginalized communities learn adaptive emotional distancing for survival.
Reflection and Practices from the Episode:
Reconnecting with the body through grounding and noticing shutdown cues.
Allowing micro moments of vulnerability rather than emotional overexposure.
Practicing naming emotions instead of disappearing emotionally.
Challenging shame beliefs such as “I should not need anyone”.
Visualizing and supporting the younger self who learned to stay strong and self-contained.
Connect With Us:
Write to Us: [email protected]
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/RewiredForLovePodcast
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RewiredForLovePodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@rewiredforlovepodcast
Timestamps:
00:00 Welcome and episode introduction
01:10 What avoidant attachment really is and why it gets misunderstood
03:30 How complex trauma shapes emotional shutdown and hyper independence
06:15 Example story: Marcus and what avoidant attachment looks like in adulthood
09:00 What avoidant partners often feel but rarely say
10:00 Healing steps: body reconnection, micro vulnerability, releasing shame
13:00 Guided reflection and inner child practice
15:00 Closing thoughts and next episode invitation
Music Credits: Music by FASSounds from Pixabay