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When Control Feels Like Safety: A Therapist’s Reflection for Parents and Teens
This episode is a companion to “When Control Feels Like Safety: Ellen’s Story.”
After hearing Ellen’s story, many parents and teens are left holding a lot of questions, emotions, and moments of recognition that don’t always have words yet.
In this episode, I slow things down and offer a therapist’s perspective to help make sense of what was happening underneath the behaviors discussed in Ellen’s story. Through a psychology and family-systems lens, we explore why anxiety so often shows up as control, how the body can become a place to manage uncertainty, and why teens can appear “fine” even when they’re struggling deeply.
This conversation is designed to add context, reflection, and depth. I include gentle reflection questions for parents and caregivers to examine their own experiences and responses.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why eating disorders are rarely about appearance and often about regulation
How chronic illness and constant monitoring can increase risk for disordered eating
Why comparison, secrecy, and high-functioning can function as survival strategies
What actually helps teens feel safe enough to accept support
How parents can stay present without carrying or fixing everything
🎧 Listener note: This episode includes discussion of eating disorders, anxiety, chronic illness, and mental health. Please take care of yourself while listening.
🎶 Music credit: All of the music used in both this episode and Ellen’s interview was created by Ellen herself. You can follow her and hear more of her work on social media at @elliezelie.
If this episode brought up concerns for you or your teen, these are trusted, evidence-based resources:
National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.orgAcademy for Eating Disorders (AED)
https://www.aedweb.orgNational Alliance for Eating Disorders
https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.comChild Mind Institute (Anxiety & teens)
https://childmind.org
Diabulimia Helpline — specialized support for T1D + eating disorders
https://www.diabulimiahelpline.orgWe Are Diabetes — education and peer support
https://www.wearediabetes.orgAmerican Diabetes Association (ADA) — mental health & diabetes
https://diabetes.org
In the U.S., you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
If you’re outside the U.S., local crisis resources are available through your country’s health services
View all episodes
By Dillan Koch, licensed family systems therapistThis episode is a companion to “When Control Feels Like Safety: Ellen’s Story.”
After hearing Ellen’s story, many parents and teens are left holding a lot of questions, emotions, and moments of recognition that don’t always have words yet.
In this episode, I slow things down and offer a therapist’s perspective to help make sense of what was happening underneath the behaviors discussed in Ellen’s story. Through a psychology and family-systems lens, we explore why anxiety so often shows up as control, how the body can become a place to manage uncertainty, and why teens can appear “fine” even when they’re struggling deeply.
This conversation is designed to add context, reflection, and depth. I include gentle reflection questions for parents and caregivers to examine their own experiences and responses.
In this episode, we talk about:
Why eating disorders are rarely about appearance and often about regulation
How chronic illness and constant monitoring can increase risk for disordered eating
Why comparison, secrecy, and high-functioning can function as survival strategies
What actually helps teens feel safe enough to accept support
How parents can stay present without carrying or fixing everything
🎧 Listener note: This episode includes discussion of eating disorders, anxiety, chronic illness, and mental health. Please take care of yourself while listening.
🎶 Music credit: All of the music used in both this episode and Ellen’s interview was created by Ellen herself. You can follow her and hear more of her work on social media at @elliezelie.
If this episode brought up concerns for you or your teen, these are trusted, evidence-based resources:
National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA)
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.orgAcademy for Eating Disorders (AED)
https://www.aedweb.orgNational Alliance for Eating Disorders
https://www.allianceforeatingdisorders.comChild Mind Institute (Anxiety & teens)
https://childmind.org
Diabulimia Helpline — specialized support for T1D + eating disorders
https://www.diabulimiahelpline.orgWe Are Diabetes — education and peer support
https://www.wearediabetes.orgAmerican Diabetes Association (ADA) — mental health & diabetes
https://diabetes.org
In the U.S., you can call or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
If you’re outside the U.S., local crisis resources are available through your country’s health services