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When Dysfunction Feels Normal (and You Think It’s Just You)
If dysfunction feels familiar, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you learned how to adapt.
This episode is a little different from the usual Relationship Rants. Recorded during a live girls night in, Christy shares a personal story that sits at the heart of so many relationship, work, and life patterns—not because it’s dramatic, but because it’s quietly common.
We praise people for being adaptable, flexible, and resilient, without stopping to ask what that adaptability is costing them. Over time, small adjustments become invisible, effort becomes normal, and exhaustion starts to feel like a personality trait.
This conversation isn’t about self improvement, personality tests, or fixing yourself.
It’s about identity—who we learn to be in order to belong, feel safe, and be accepted, and how that identity can start running our lives without us realizing it. And it’s about the stories we tell that shape our experience.
This episode invites a softer kind of awareness. One where misalignment isn’t failure, burnout isn’t who you are, and coming home to yourself doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul—just a pause, a noticing, and a gentle remembering.
Contact Christy & Additional Resources:
www.coachchristyholt.com
Chapters
00:00 — When Dysfunction Feels Familiar
Why normal doesn’t always mean healthy.
00:16 — This Episode Is a Little Different
A live girls night in story that reveals quiet patterns.
00:37 — Identity Is Learned, Not Inherent
How belonging teaches us who to be.
02:34 — How Patterns Become Normal
Small adaptations that slowly disappear from view.
03:12 — Who You Learned to Be
The roles we take on to fit, stay safe, and be accepted.
05:49 — When Adaptation Becomes Identity
How misalignment starts to feel like “this is just who I am.”
06:36 — Burnout, Overwhelm, and Self-Blame
When exhaustion gets mistaken for personality.
07:51 — When the Story Takes Over
How internal narratives quietly shape our lives.
08:31 — The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Why changing the story changes the experience.
10:25 — When Normal Stops Being Neutral
The hidden cost of ignoring your nature and rhythms.
12:00 — How This Shows Up in Relationships
Belonging over truth, approval over alignment.
12:37 — A Quiet Invitation to Notice
Coming home to yourself without pressure or labels.
🎶 Music Credit:
“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO
View all episodes
By Christy Holt - The Happiness Hussy
5
1414 ratings
If dysfunction feels familiar, it doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you learned how to adapt.
This episode is a little different from the usual Relationship Rants. Recorded during a live girls night in, Christy shares a personal story that sits at the heart of so many relationship, work, and life patterns—not because it’s dramatic, but because it’s quietly common.
We praise people for being adaptable, flexible, and resilient, without stopping to ask what that adaptability is costing them. Over time, small adjustments become invisible, effort becomes normal, and exhaustion starts to feel like a personality trait.
This conversation isn’t about self improvement, personality tests, or fixing yourself.
It’s about identity—who we learn to be in order to belong, feel safe, and be accepted, and how that identity can start running our lives without us realizing it. And it’s about the stories we tell that shape our experience.
This episode invites a softer kind of awareness. One where misalignment isn’t failure, burnout isn’t who you are, and coming home to yourself doesn’t require a dramatic overhaul—just a pause, a noticing, and a gentle remembering.
Contact Christy & Additional Resources:
www.coachchristyholt.com
Chapters
00:00 — When Dysfunction Feels Familiar
Why normal doesn’t always mean healthy.
00:16 — This Episode Is a Little Different
A live girls night in story that reveals quiet patterns.
00:37 — Identity Is Learned, Not Inherent
How belonging teaches us who to be.
02:34 — How Patterns Become Normal
Small adaptations that slowly disappear from view.
03:12 — Who You Learned to Be
The roles we take on to fit, stay safe, and be accepted.
05:49 — When Adaptation Becomes Identity
How misalignment starts to feel like “this is just who I am.”
06:36 — Burnout, Overwhelm, and Self-Blame
When exhaustion gets mistaken for personality.
07:51 — When the Story Takes Over
How internal narratives quietly shape our lives.
08:31 — The Stories We Tell Ourselves
Why changing the story changes the experience.
10:25 — When Normal Stops Being Neutral
The hidden cost of ignoring your nature and rhythms.
12:00 — How This Shows Up in Relationships
Belonging over truth, approval over alignment.
12:37 — A Quiet Invitation to Notice
Coming home to yourself without pressure or labels.
🎶 Music Credit:
“Big Adventure” by Paul Yudin | License Code: IFYBJMN4DCRTCSPO