I spent years searching for truth, healing, freedom, love, and meaning almost everywhere except Jesus.
In this very personal episode of When Heaven Calls, I'm sharing my own testimony for the first time—from childhood wounds, rejection, alcohol abuse, unhealthy relationships, and a relentless desire to belong, through years of personal development, New Age spirituality, psychedelics, plant medicine, Kundalini yoga, occult exploration, conspiracy rabbit holes, and spiritual experiences I didn't understand.
Eventually, my search for healing became a search for truth.
I had spent years trying to heal myself, understand evil, uncover what was happening spiritually, and find a worldview that could actually explain both the beauty and the darkness I saw in the world. I explored New Age teachings, Ram Dass, Kundalini yoga, psychedelics and plant medicine, alternative healing modalities, manifestation-style spirituality, consciousness teachings, channeling material, and ideas about aliens and other dimensions.
Some of those experiences felt beautiful. Others became deeply dark and frightening.
But underneath all of it was the same question: What is actually true?
Motherhood changed that question for me.
After becoming a mother through a wild pregnancy and natural home birth in Costa Rica, I found myself looking at the innocence of my newborn child and wondering: How do I protect and steward something this innocent in a world where real evil exists?
That question eventually led me somewhere I never expected.
Jesus.
In this testimony, I share the long and winding road that took me from loosely identifying as Christian, to walking away from Christianity, to New Age spirituality and intense spiritual seeking—and finally back to the God I hadn't understood in the first place.
I talk about the Christians God placed throughout my life before I was ready to listen, my experiences in the New Age and psychedelic communities, unusual spiritual encounters, my growing conviction that good and evil are real, and the moment I finally heard the gospel explained in a way I could understand.
I also share what happened afterward: surrendering my life to Jesus, leaving New Age beliefs and practices behind, learning Scripture, navigating an unequally yoked relationship, choosing celibacy, watching my partner begin his own journey toward Christ, getting married, forgiving my parents, and experiencing restoration in relationships I once thought were permanently broken.
This isn't a testimony about having everything figured out.
It's a testimony about searching everywhere for truth—and discovering that the truth I was looking for had been calling me all along.
In this episode, I share about:
• Childhood wounds, insecure attachment, rejection, and people-pleasing
• Alcohol abuse and getting sober
• Toxic and emotionally abusive relationships
• Personal development and the search for healing
• Herbalism and holistic living
• New Age spirituality and consciousness teachings
• Ram Dass and Be Here Now
• Kundalini yoga and Yogi Bhajan
• Psychedelics, mushrooms, LSD, DMT, and plant medicine ceremonies
• Occult exploration, channeling, aliens, and unusual spiritual experiences
• Envision Festival and spiritual discernment
• Conspiracy rabbit holes, fear, and searching for answers about evil
• Living in an alternative New Age community in Costa Rica
• Motherhood, home birth, and the desire to protect innocence
• Spiritual warfare and deliverance
• Beginning to pray to God and ask Jesus who He really was
• Meeting Christians whose peace challenged my worldview
• Walking into church after years of spiritual searching
• Finally understanding the gospel
• Leaving New Age spirituality for Christianity
• Surrender, obedience, and learning to trust God
• Biblical conviction, modesty, sexuality, and celibacy
• Marriage and navigating faith with a partner from a secular Jewish background
• Forgiveness, family reconciliation, and healing
• Finding my identity as a child of God
If you're coming from New Age spirituality, psychedelic spirituality, occult practices, alternative spirituality, or simply a long search for truth, I hope my story encourages you to investigate Jesus for yourself.
You don't have to take my word for it.
Ask Him who He is.
🙏 If this testimony speaks to you, please share it with someone who may need to hear it and tell me in the comments what part of my story resonated with you most.
ABOUT WHEN HEAVEN CALLS
When Heaven Calls shares honest testimonies of people who encountered Jesus after journeys through New Age spirituality, the occult, psychedelics, alternative spiritual practices, atheism, personal development, and other paths of spiritual seeking.
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