“Reactivity is not a weapon aimed at you,

it’s a wound crying out to be healed.”

When your partner is reactive, it rarely looks like a cry for help. It feels like claws out, words sharp, energy fierce. But beneath the surface, reactivity is not an attack, it’s an eruption of unresolved pain. What you’re seeing is not your enemy; it’s your partner’s nervous system in survival mode.

Most people don’t want to spiral into rage, collapse into tears, or shut down in silence. They don’t want their past to hijack the present. They want to be rescued; from the flood of emotion they can’t control. The problem? Their plea doesn’t come wrapped in softness; it comes wrapped in fire.

Here’s the turning point: you can choose whether to escalate the flames or calm the storm. Do you throw salt on their wound with blame, defensiveness, or retreat? Or do you offer healing ointment, grounding yourself, listening with compassion, and creating safety so they can return to center?

Picture it this way: your partner’s inner world is like a house suddenly on fire. Do you run in with more flames, or do you bring water? Rescue doesn’t mean excusing bad behavior, it means refusing to add fuel to the fire. You remain steady, attuned, and compassionate, not making it about you, but helping them find their way back.

Partnership is built in these exact moments. Every time reactivity strikes, you have a choice: adversary or ally, salt or ointment. Your response can either deepen the wound or help heal it.

Which will you choose next time?

Reactivity is like a house fire, it spreads fast, burns hot, and destroys connection. You can either throw gasoline on the flames or bring the water that saves it. So, when your loved one is triggered, how do you usually respond, by adding fuel to the fire or by bringing calm to the chaos?

“I choose to meet reactivity with

compassion, grounding, and love.

I am an ally, not an adversary.”

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