When Relaxing Feels So Hard

The challenge of relaxing is often due to a lack of perceived safety in the body, rather than a failure to follow commands. Relaxation is a state of being that occurs when the body's nervous system feels safe enough to release tension.

Understanding Relaxation Relaxation is not a command that the body can follow; it is a state of being. The ability to relax is connected to the body's feeling of safety. When the body feels threatened, it stays in a protective, tense state.

Why Relaxing Is Difficult: Relaxation is not achieved by willpower or effort but through the body's nervous system shifting when it stops perceiving threats. External suggestions to 'just relax' are ineffective because they don't change the body's internal state. The body may remain tense due to past traumas, chronic stress, or perceived ongoing threats.

Signs of Tension: Restlessness, inability to quiet the mind, or feeling more anxious when attempting to be still. Subtle signs include holding breath, avoiding deep exhales, or constant scanning for danger.

Steps to Encourage Relaxation:-

1. Create a Safe Environment: Ensure surroundings feel safe and calming.
2. Small Physical Adjustments: Drop shoulders, soften the jaw, and breathe from the belly.
3. Gentle Movement: Engage in gentle rocking or swaying.
4. Long Exhales: Focus on longer exhales as a way to communicate with the parasympathetic nervous system.
5. Mindful Awareness: Notice sensations like the warmth of hands or the body's weight against a chair.
6. Listen to Calming Music: Allow music to help in co-regulating the nervous system. Conclusion Relaxation stems from feelings of safety, not force or command. Practices that build trust in the body can aid the process of achieving relaxation.