On this episode, Chris decides to peel back the onion on Christmas traditions and comes to a disturbing conclusion: Santa Claus is actually a kingpin running a sweatshop of enslaved workers. After a disastrous trip to a low-budget Santa meet-and-greet that looked like it was hosted at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, Chris explains why taking your children to sit on a stranger's lap is essentially the same as introducing them to Al-Qaeda.

Meanwhile, the gang accidentally forms their new favorite rock band, Judah and the Maccabees, with Miranda on drums and Scott confusing the lead singer for the guy who betrayed Jesus.

Also in this episode:

• Chris Ruins Kwanzaa: After a deep dive into history, Chris reveals the controversial origins of the holiday and its founder, Ronald.
• The 9/11 Birthday Theory: Scott does some questionable math regarding the Immaculate Conception and determines Jesus might actually have been born on September 11th.
• Trash Pandas on Bourbon: Miranda brings us the heartwarming tale of a raccoon that broke into a liquor store and got wasted.
• Target Good Deeds: Miranda helps an elderly woman find her car, despite the risk of being kidnapped.

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