On January 30, 1835, Richard Lawrence, an unemployed house painter who believed he was King Richard III of England, attempted to become the first person to assassinate a sitting U.S. President when he aimed two pistols at Andrew Jackson outside the U.S. Capitol.

The circumstances were gloriously absurd. Lawrence had convinced himself that Jackson was preventing him from claiming the British throne and accessing vast sums of money that were rightfully his. As the 67-year-old Jackson emerged from a congressional funeral, Lawrence stepped forward with a derringer pistol and pulled the trigger at point-blank range.

The gun misfired.

Not one to be deterred by mere mechanical failure, Lawrence immediately drew a second pistol. Jackson, in a display of the temperament that had earned him the nickname "Old Hickory," charged at his would-be assassin with his cane raised like a cudgel. Lawrence fired the second pistol.

It also misfired.

Later analysis determined that the odds of both percussion cap pistols failing to fire in the humid indoor air of the Capitol rotunda were roughly 1 in 125,000. Lawrence apparently had extraordinarily bad luck to match his extraordinarily poor grip on reality.

Jackson proceeded to beat Lawrence with his cane while onlookers, including Davy Crockett, wrestled the assailant to the ground. Lawrence was found not guilty by reason of insanity and spent the remainder of his life in mental institutions, presumably still waiting for someone to acknowledge his royal heritage.

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