The rather harsh personal truth that’s sometimes difficult to communicate is that I do not mind dying. I sometimes say that if I were given the option to silently disappear without anyone grieving or remembering that I ever existed, I would do this without thinking twice. No, it’s not that I’m nihilistic. Well, maybe some. Rather, it’s that what I am on the external(the personality, character, attributes, relationship to others) has nothing much to do with who I truly am. It’s clear to me that before I was born, I was. After I die, I will. I also joke that when we do die, we would realize we did. That which realizes the end of the personality is itself not ‘dye-able’. So, clearly, nothing of this earthly existence is much of material value. It’s at this point that the argument props up with the question of ‘legacy’. This, in my opinion, is another attempt for the ego to reify itself when true Aliveness is only found in the Divine who was before matter, before constructions, before ideas and legacies. By true Aliveness being found in the Divine, I want to establish that the Divine is that in which all things find form. Form being cast into existence is still not separate from the Divine. That is to say, all things are made of the Divine. The Heart Sutra would express this with these words, “Form is emptiness, emptiness is form”.

In sharing this thought with a friend, I could sense the grief and the confusion. I could sense how they felt I probably was depressed and perhaps life’s circumstances had really gotten me into this ‘contraction’. “Oh”, I replied, “I can so relate to the Gnostic text of the Book of Thomas where Jesus tells seekers, "Those who seek should not stop seeking until they find. When they find, they will be disturbed. When they are disturbed, they will marvel, and will rule over all". I don’t claim to rule over anything. But I can tell you I have been a seeker. I have found. I was disturbed(more on this later, Chris Ogunlowo) but here I am marveling!

So where’s the joy in all of this? What’s the point of it all?

You see, the way I see it, the more obvious it is that happiness cannot be found in(and would never ever be found in) external events and circumstances, accumulation of wealth, property or status, the more readily it is for us to reassess how we see and define happiness. Okay, I will admit for the 10,000th time, the sheer joy of being alive is a miracle. Not just the personal miracle of acknowledging the ‘wow, that I am still alive is a miracle’. I mean, the fact that an aliveness happens: that things have life, that things have expression, that humans can reflect, that plants can grow, that matter vibrates, my gosh…it is a darn miracle. It is the most fantastic mystery. It is the freakiest most brilliant magic! Yet being alive in the physical sense is just a micro-aspect of Aliveness as a whole. I look at this aliveness of form, the aliveness of the character called Seye as the substantiation of something else that’s more …alive— another conjoined Aliveness that is itself pure potentiality. I see it in the way a fire is already alive. But gunpowder is raw potential waiting to happen. Or how a lightbulb is the substantiation of electricity but raw electricity is pure potential. It turns out I’m not a light bulb. It turns out I believed myself to be a beautiful glassy lightbulb with colors different than others and similar to some others. I then explored and realized I am in fact electricy. And in finding out I am electricity, I also realized you are also not a lightbulb. You are in fact the same electricity that I am. And so, in knowing this, the relative sense of happiness, my relationship with happiness that is sparked by attention, recognition, ambition, success, vitality, ...all of these things are clearly seen as ebbs and flows that have absolutely no truth in them. They do point to truth, I would admit. I do not deny their signaling. You see, external treats are really a relaxation into the sense of self-sufficiency, a wink-wink-nudge-nudge at what already is the underlying truth to them. They do not last because the moment our needs are met, the moment the thirst is quenched, another sense of lack arises again.

Wait, tell me where I am wrong here?!

Isn’t it obvious that the moment we get that degree, we suddenly see how important it is to get the next higher degree? Or when we buy that new car, the one we have been wishing for all along, our joy lasts a few more hours, days or months and suddenly we realize we should have gotten the other one. Or when we finally land that dream job, a few more months passing by, we then start to recognize the dysfunction that exists in the job and start getting seduced by another job out there that could have been better? What, oh what, is the nature of this contraction if not a signaling to that which does not contract, that which is self-contained, self-sufficient, self-sustained?

It seems obvious to me then, that when we truly and genuinely seek, through contemplation, we find. At first, our thirst would temporarily be quenched. This is where we often stop. This is where all the mindfulness crowd ends. We suddenly realize that free tool that helps with sleep, confidence, mental wellbeing and so we think that’s the destination. But when we fully drink, then we would thirst no more. Outer pleasantries, achieved goals, outward successes become the icing on the cake leaving nothing to hold too firmly to.

Terrible events do not stop. Gosh, they don’t. Turns out they are part of the package They are part of the package— you know, you can’t have the heads of the coin without the tails. From my current viewpoint, the rather difficult aspects of living the human life become something we also don’t hold tightly to. Why? Because the whole thing....every part of it is part of the divine play. Why enjoy that one scene and not the other. When the curtain closes, and it surely will, we would marvel at all the beautiful characters, the plot, the believable costumes we all have been wearing. They were well done. We may suddenly see there was no ‘we’, there was no ‘us’, no enemies, no friends. No dictator nor subjugates, no parents and children, no man no woman. There no longer exists the branches, as each individual branch falls to the ground in return. There then is only the Vine and we are it.

Contemplative Currents is a free (bi-weekly) newsletter that aims to shed light into our daily experiences as opportunities for contemplation of this glorious Mystery. If you’d like to support my work, please consider subscribing and/or sharing this free Substack. If you’re looking to monetarily support, buying my book, This Glorious Dance: Thoughts & Contemplations About Who We Are, is enough. I’m grateful for your support in whatever capacity.

Thanks for reading Contemplative Currents! Subscribe for free to receive new posts. That way, you support my work.

This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit seyekuyinu.substack.com