Episode 6 - When You Catch Your Husband in an Emotional Affair

Today I’m talking with my friends Carlos and Amanda Vargas about the “hell” season of their marriage (her words), and how they had to come to terms with unresolved sexual sin in their marriage and what it looked like to get on the path to healing.

I’ve known Amanda and Carlos for years, we are in-real-life friends, and I am inspired and grateful for their humility and honesty about their marriage and what they’ve gone through, and where they are now. To listen, click below.

Show Notes!

Highlights:

An emotional affair [15:55]Carlos on growing up with a dad in prison [19:00]Why did Amanda stay in the relationship? [22:50]

Why did Carlos turn back to Amanda? [26:10]The dangers of pornography [32:00]Working towards a healthy marriage [34:40]

Counseling advice [38:10]What to do if you struggle with pornography [39:21]

How to find an accountability group [44:05]What does marriage look like now? [47:20]

Protecting your marriage [50:22]Advice from Amanda and Carlos on affairs [54:15]

Key Scripture:

“So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
 It shall not return to Me void,
 But it shall accomplish what I please,
 And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.”
 
 Isaiah 55:11

Books:

Every Man’s Battle by Stephen by Arterburn, Fred Stoeker and Mike Yorkey

Quotes:

“I have got to find my identity in God. I have got to stop trying to find my identity in my husband and I need to start looking at my own life and say, “What are areas that I need to grow in?” [24:53]

“Turning from focusing on him and the things that he was doing wrong, accepting that it is out of my control to change him and that only the Holy Spirit can do that. And starting to focus on what God wanted to change, in my self, and my relationship and identity in God, is really what made me realize that I can stay and that God can work through me and through Carlos, and He can bring about redemption in our marriage. ” [25:40]

“When God says children are a blessing, they really are a blessing.” [28:50]

“I think that, pornography is one of the biggest leading causes to affairs.” [33:30]

“Be the person you are looking for, for somebody else.” [44:45]

“Let’s be honest about everything. If there is something that we aren’t telling each other, then that is something the enemy can use against us, to start something else. So we are really big on honesty, communication and boundaries.” [53:03]

“If you are finding your identity and putting your trust in God, then ultimately the outcome is up to Him.” [56:50]

“Do the hard work, and trust God to do the rest of it.” [57:08]

Related: What I Know About Cheating and Consequences

Listen to Episode 1 - Susan’s Story (an intro to The Complicated Heart Podcast) HERE.

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