When Your Kid Asks About Scary News: The HEAR Script for Hard Questions

Your kid overhears a scary headline, and later drops the question that hits you in the chest: "Why would someone do that… and are we safe?" In this episode, Dr. Amy Patenaude shares a simple, repeatable framework you can remember under stress: HEAR, so you're not scrambling for the perfect words when your own brain goes blank.

3 to 5 key takeaways

• Your kid is usually asking a safety and regulation question, even if it sounds like a "why" question.
• Your nervous system sets the tone. The goal is not perfection, it's being the calmer grown-up than the kid.
• Scary news can stay "open" in a kid's brain like a browser tab, and the questions or clinginess are their body trying to close the loop.
• Two don'ts that make fear bigger: don't info-dump and don't make promises you can't keep.
• The HEAR framework gives you words you can borrow: Hear, Empathize, Anchor safety, Re-check what's sticking.

Steal this 30-second script "I'm really glad you told me. Tell me what you heard. That sounds scary. It makes sense your brain is stuck on it. You're safe right now. I'm here and we have a plan. What part is sticking most… and what is your brain guessing happens next?" Freebie

Grab the Big Feelings Decoder here: https://psyched2parent.myflodesk.com/bigfeelingsdecoder

Resources mentioned

AAP (HealthyChildren.org), APA, NCTSN, and NASP guidance on talking with kids about scary or traumatic news.