Sometimes we can find ourselves stuck in a dark hole and feel like we are going down, but there is hope when we open ourselves to the connection and support from others.

One of the properties I work on as a gardener is a small farm and I get to use a tractor for some of the jobs I do.

I was driving the tractor one day when all of a sudden I couldn’t move forward. I could see my wheels going round but there was little movement.

All had been going well. I was having a great day.

Driving the tractor, shifting dirt, and making the paddock I was in look tidier and neater. That was until my large wheels broke through the crust of soil and I discovered the mud and muck underneath.

I sunk.

I tried to back out but that didn’t help. The tractor was now up to its axle in mud. The heavy back wheels were a rim of mud and any movement I tried made the situation worse.

I got a spade and started to dig tracks out for the tractor, but it stuck like glue.

I was also stuck and felt shame. That sense of embarrassment and self-loathing.

All the old familiar critical self-talk started to flow around me.

I’m so stupid

I’m a failure

I should have …

I read once that the word shame can be an acronym S.H.A.M.E – Should Have Already Mastered Everything.

In my emotional life, I was sinking fast.

I have been at times stuck in the mud of my own life. Dark black holes have seemed to want to swallow me up.

Telling yourself to ‘Pull yourself together’ doesn’t have any effect on the glue of a dark hole.

When you’re stuck

I remember getting that tractor stuck and I also remember what I did next. I phoned a guy I know with a truck to come and help pull me out.

He turned up and we attached a rope between the tractor and the truck. With his truck pulling and my tractor wheels turning we slowly and quietly got free of the hold.

That was easy.

Getting out of a personal dark hole is not as simple but we can learn some lessons from this very exciting and riveting story. (I’m open for movie deals)

Friends, Neighbors, and a Birds Nest

I was raised on a farm and when you live in isolated rural communities you understand the need to have a connection with your neighbors.

You never quite know when you might need the help of a neighbor to pull your tractor out of the mud, fight a fire, or to be rescued from a flood.

Survival relies on being in community.

In good communities, you look out for each other. You notice when someone is acting differently. A change has occurred and you are gently curious.

Years ago a counselor suggested that I might like to become part of a bird’s nest for one of their clients. Puzzled, I asked for more explanation.

He explained that this particular person had several people in their life that offered some sort of gift, skill, or role in their recovery. Each person was like strands of fiber in a bird’s nest.

There was a doctor, nurse, psychiatrist, support worker, dietician, friend, family, and many other people. I was invited to be the pastor and our small church – The Living Room could add other layers of support.

We all have a birds nest of relationships that support us. People we can call on when we get stuck. People who might also notice when were heading for the mud pit.

Ropes

My friend with the truck brought a rope with him. There had to be some sort of connection to the power and resources he had and the power and resources I had.

In that bird’s nest of relationships, people will have different gifts and skills they can bring. But there must be a connection for the transfer of power and resources to take place.

In the darkest of holes, there has to be some sort of reaching out for help.

I’m not a huge fan of rescuing.

Doing something for someone that they could do for themselves. It can create both dependency and repetition of behaviors that got you in the dark hole in the first place.

Instead, we need truth and insights to help ourselves change. Much like you build into your life in a thinking compass.

Encouragements

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