This week I was talking with an old friend, I’ll call her Nima, when she said something heartbreaking.

She is a pro domme and regards her work as a vocation; she helps her clients reach states of devotional surrender they struggle to access in their daily lives.

She was telling me about a session she had, in which her client was on their knees, bowing in front of her, sobbing with gratitude and relief at being held in her love. She used the word “worshipped.” Her client was worshipping.

Nima is soulful, deep. Hanging out with her is grounding, and I always feel better after we do. She says the real things and looks beyond the superficial towards deeper realities.

So it surprised me when she told me that she feels cut off from her spiritual practice.

In the time I’ve known her, she has consistently been in a relationship with the Divine.

She said, “I am embodying the Goddess for my clients, and they are getting the benefit of that relationship, of that surrender. Why can’t I feel my own connection with Her?”

She told me that without feeling that connection, she feels a bit fake, like she’s pretending for the sake of her paycheck. Ouch.

I asked her about her practice. She replied, “I stopped practicing last year.”

So my next question is, “What happened around the time you stopped?”

“My dad was sick, and I was caring for him, and life was hectic. I just never started back up.”

She’s crying by now, and my heart goes out to my sweet friend.

“Do you want to start again?”

“I feel like I betrayed myself, and I don’t know how.”

And there it is; the self-betrayal that gets many of us, including me and Nima, when we fall off our practice.

It’s a real relationship between the Divine and us, and we all know what happens when one person ghosts.

I could relate deeply to Nima’s tale of woe.

When I moved back seven years ago, I was overwhelmed and didn’t call a beloved friend. Then I started to feel guilty about not calling. I became avoidant because I felt guilty, and before you knew it, seven years had passed. The longer it went on, the more impossible it felt to pick up the phone. Eventually, the window closed, and I never did.

Shame.

Shame about neglect, about abandoning ourselves, our relationship, our practice.

It sucks.

Starting again alone is hard precisely because the shame is in the way. That’s what and who my new offering is for.

I’m holding a practice container this spring:

Six Weeks of Showing Up.

If you feel far away from your practice and don’t know how to find your way back, if you fell off and the longer it goes the worse it feels: I got you.

We’ll figure it out together.

Only 6 spots left. We start next Thursday, April 30.

Registration closes Tuesday, April 28.

Join me and come home to the relationship you love beyond everything.

https://pavinimoray.kit.com/products/six-weeks-of-showing-up

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