As The Fish Brothers awake, ready for their tour of the Channel Islands, the shocking news comes through that Diana, Princess of Wales, has been killed in a car crash. Arriving on an island in mourning, the band find the audiences oddly unreceptive: "Everything we play is 'sad'." In an effort to cheer themselves up, the blundering fools take a trip to Jersey Zoo, only to discover Gerald the wanking bear, who reveals his talents before a crowd of onlooking schoolchildren and a Hobbit park ranger. Gerald becomes the inspiration for the band's take on one of the most famous songs of all time. Here, for the first time, is the full story behind the inspirational tune "Gerald Durrell's Spectacled Wanking Bear".

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Who's been wanking in my porridge?