"I deserve this."

If you immediately get the ick, you're not alone. But why? Shouldn't it sound empowering?

In this conversation, we unpack one of the most loaded phrases in modern self-help culture. We explore the difference between deserving dignity and demanding outcomes, between healthy self-care and subtle entitlement. Depending on how "I deserve" is used, it can signal a healthy relationship with your needs or it can be a way of emotionally bypassing the shame you feel about having them met.

Though we agree on several points, Kim and I (Pancho) come to realize we hold a different framework of what it means to deserve and when we are actually deserving of things.

We talk about deserving in transactional relationships, the tension between self-determination and belonging, and how burnout and resentment often result from an unhealthy relationship with deserving rest. Along the way, we question whether deserving is something we earn, something inherent, or mostly a story we tell ourselves to avoid harder emotions.

This episode is for anyone who struggles to rest without earning it, to ask for help without guilt, or to process disappointment without turning it into bitterness.

If it feels like something is off when someone says, "I deserve," then this episode is for you. And if you're the one who said it, this episode is for you too :)

Resources Mentioned & Recommended Reading / Listening

• Sapiens by Yuval Noah Harari - Chapter 6: "Building Pyramids" proposes that human rights are a culturally constructed fiction
• ⁠Self-Determination Theory⁠
• ⁠Desert (philosophy)⁠
• ⁠⁠EMDR Therapy