In this episode in John’s series on narcissism, he will discuss the causes of narcissism, how to manage a narcissist if you choose to or find yourself in a relationship with one and if a narcissist can change for the better. The origin of the narcissist is rarely discussed, the damage that they do much more so. Is it genetic, environmental or parenting that causes someone to grow up with narcissistic traits?

Related Episodes:
From Codependent to independent 
Codependency

KEY TAKEAWAYS

• Not everyone that has narcissistic traits is a narcissist. We all have some traits of narcissism and it is considered a spectrum
• The environment you grow up in will determine if you have narcissistic tendencies or not. If you are placed on a pedestal as a child or were overly controlled you may develop a grandiose or vulnerable type of personality.
• A narcissistic parent does not necessarily create a narcissistic child. A lack of empathy can create a person with the same trait, but can also cause hyper-vigilance creating an empathic individual.
• Grey rocking, or the grey rock method, is a tactic some people use when dealing with abusive or manipulative behaviour by keeping dialogue to an absolute minimum to reduce their interest, giving short answers and asking closed questions, sticking to facts only, and creating physical distance if possible. Never ask for favours, and never refer to the past.

 

BEST MOMENTS

‘As someone who craved attention and validation and love, this was my way of seeking it out in order to feel better. I don’t believe I was actually being a narcissist, just reaching out to be seen.’

‘We can’t determine if a child is narcissistic or not as nearly every child will be selfish and self-focused trying to get their needs and wants met at all times.’

‘It is important to put yourself in a head space where they can’t disturb your thoughts or feelings.’

‘Work on your own self worth so you can’t be easily influenced. Set your own uncrossable boundaries, be assertive and confident in your own space. Don’t react to put-downs or even big-ups as this will just feed their manipulations of you.’

‘Please do remember that they will only change something if they see it as a problem and want to change it which, with a narcissist we know, is quite rare.’

 

VALUABLE RESOURCES

Links:

www.johnkennycoaching.com

 

The Bicycle Affect:

https://youtu.be/oO7XZGvdWno

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ABOUT THE HOST

I am John Kenny, Award Winning Relationship Coach.

Coaching people to experience healthy loving relationships. Having spent a life choosing unhealthy relationships and self sabotaging my own success, I now coach people to live a life they choose.

 

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