We've all heard the old adage, "you need to forgive and forget." But how hard is it to try to forget something that someone has done to you that causes you even to feel you need to forgive them? Is it even possible to forget certain things that people have done to us, and better yet, is that even healthy for you? Tony discusses the mental health benefits of forgiveness and the mental health challenges and potential dangers of attempting to forget something significant that has occurred in your life. Tony references the article "Why You Should Forgive But "Never" Forget" by Kurt Smith, PsyD https://psychcentral.com/health/reasons-to-forgive-but-not-forget

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[00:00:12] Oh. Come on in. Take a seat.

[00:00:19] You. Hey everybody, welcome to Episode 328 of the Virtual Couch. I am your host, Tony Overbay. I am a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified mindful habit coach, writer, speaker, husband, father of four and creator of The Path Back, an online pornography recovery program that is helping people become the person that they've always wanted to be turning away from unhealthy coping mechanisms. So if you're interested in learning more, go to Pathbackrecovery.com. And one of the biggest components of the Path Back program is this weekly group meeting that is just growing and growing, and it is such a positive healing support group that it's what I've always dreamed of in terms of support and getting people together and becoming the best versions of themselves. So that is a part of this Path Back Recovery program. So again, go to Pathbackrecovery.com. You can find out more. So today on the podcast, I want to talk about the concept of forgiveness. I had someone recently in my office and they were saying the the old I know that I should forgive and forget. So we've got all the things that I enjoy so much as someone shooting on themselves, which makes them feel like they are doing something wrong and they're applying a clichéd phrase that I absolutely understand. It sounds like an admirable thing to do that the need to forget that goes along with forgiveness. And I feel like that one, if I'm just being honest, is something that often comes from the side of the person who has offended.

[00:01:46] So I will get people in counseling. Let's just give an example of a couple that comes in and I'm going to use so often I hear that I pick on the guy and I don't know if it's because I'm a guy, but so let's just go the the opposite way. So let's say that I've got a guy that has wanted to get his wife into counseling forever and that there's some rift in the marriage. It could be anything from emotional infidelity or it could be a lack of communication, it could be a disconnection and their intimate life or a variety of things. But the guy has wanted to get the wife into counseling forever, and she has even maybe said some things that have been highly offensive to him, that have really hurt him deeply, and he feels like he'll never be able to get over. So they come in to counseling and then the wife in that scenario will say, okay, I'm here, but I'm here. So I just want us to be able to move forward from this day forward. Let's just let's just let bygones be bygones.